BE INTENTIONAL IN HOW YOU GUIDE
AND INTERACT WITH YOUR CHILD.

If the brain is wired to recognize the
bad, “we have to be intentional about
making sure that we take time to
recognize when things are going well,”
Cotton explains. “Even if that’s just like
pointing out to your kid, ‘Oh, there’s so
many pretty pink flowers,’ or ‘Oh, look
at the sunset,’ or giving them a hug or
a smile…If we take time to reinforce
(pleasant things, it), start(s) to convey
to the child that they’re safe.”
Families should encourage children to
talk about how they feel, Widen notes, as
talking about emotions aids in children’s
emotional management (Garner 2010).

This is a good time to discuss reliable
vs. unreliable news sources with older
children to help them “develop critical
thinking skills and make good decisions
based on data,” (CASEL, 2020) she
adds. For children who are reluctant
to discuss their thoughts about violent
events, Widen advises parents to watch
their behaviors for any notable changes
in routines or activities, which may
indicate a child is struggling. “Talk to
your child during times when they open
up to you the most,” she advises.

Additional helpful strategies for ner-
vous kids include doing things that help
calm your child (i.e. snuggling with a pet
or toy), encouraging things that burn off
energy (i.e. physical exercise) and joining
the child in these so “they feel safe and
more connected to you,” Widen adds.

Cotton recommends leaning on what
is developmentally appropriate for
kids when discussing instances of vio-
lence, ensuring that news isn’t passive
but comes directly from the caregiver.

Cotton advises parents to watch what
they have on the TV that children may
see unintentionally.

HELP YOUR CHILD REBUILD
TRUST GRADUALLY.

Managing a child’s response is essen-
tial in promoting healthy coping and
reintroduction mechanisms, explains
Hoover “A natural response to anxiety
and worry is, of course, to avoid what’s
scaring us, but the problem with that
is that the more we tend to avoid scary
situations that make us nervous, the
more scared we get. And so a big part
of helping the children…is to help them
face fears in a reasonable and perhaps
gradual or careful way.”
Hoover advises parents to encourage
children to go to school and push
through discomfort, especially if they are
sure the situation is as safe as it can be.

Sometimes, he notes, for both children
and caregivers this is best accomplished
with a stepwise approach. “So, step one
may be stepping outside your house
for a few minutes and going back in,”
then getting to a further neighborhood
corner and going back in, etc. “In the
end, the real job is to get back out there…
and then the fears and anxieties tend to
fall off when you do that.”
“If you or your child is really strug-
gling with their thoughts or emotions
about feeling safe at school or in public
situations, consider looking for coun-
seling in your community. A counselor
or therapist may be able to help your
family process the event and begin to
move forward,” Widen adds. n
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES FOR PARENTS
National Alliance on Mental Illness
(nami.org) The National Child Traumatic
Stress Network (nctsn.org)
American Academy of Child and
Adolescent Psychiatry (aacap.org)
Report on Indicators of School
Crime and Safety
(bjs.ojp.gov/sites/g/files/xyckuh236/ files/media/document/iscs21.pdf)
American Psychological Association (apa.org)
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