HELPING CHILDREN REBUILD TRUST AMID
NATIONAL VIOLENCE
FIRST, IT’S NORMAL TO WORRY, AND
IT’S ALWAYS GOOD TO BE PREPARED.

Traumatic Stress at Kennedy Krieger
Institute. “I think parents and caregivers
do need to do everything in their power to
(ensure) that their child does have safety,
Hoover says. “So, that means parents
(and administrators and teachers)
making sure school is safe to the degree
they can.”
This, of course, has its nuances. “As
with so many things, being prepared is
important, but there is a big difference
between keeping water, energy bars
(and) a change of clothes in the car
and building a fallout shelter,” explains
Dr. Sherri Widen, developmental
psychologist and research scientist, and
manager at Committee for Children, a
global nonprofit championing the safety
and well-being of children. “Talk to your
child about what to do and where to go
in case of emergency. Help them identify
adults at school or in the community
they can go to if they need help or feel
unsafe, but also assure your child that
they are safe and can keep being a kid.”
Dr. Aronica B. Cotton, medical director
of child and adolescent psychiatry
services at MedStar Montgomery
Medical Center, wants parents to
know that their fear and uncertainty
surrounding community violence
is normal and valid. “Just to throw
in a little science…brains were
made to scan the environment for
danger, and so we have a bias to
dangerous, negative thoughts
and situations,” she says.

But there are steps adults
can take to ensure children
are in capable hands, adds Dr.

Dan Hoover, clinical child and
adolescent psychologist at the
Center for Child and Family
12 Washington FAMILY SEPTEMBER 2022
MODEL A MEASURED RESPONSE AND
VALIDATE YOUR CHILD’S CONCERNS.

Today’s parenting environment is
tricky, acknowledges Cotton. “It can be
difficult for parents to want to try and
protect their children—to let their
children know they’re here for them and
also to balance that with giving their
kids confidence that they can handle
difficult situations,” she says. “So, my
recommendation would be for parents
to take a more mindful approach if they
can—take a step back and think about
how they handle difficult situations,
because more often than not, kids are
looking towards the parents about
how to react.”
Hoover agrees. “Children will often
take their cues from the adults and their
older siblings or their caretakers. If they
sense, verbally or nonverbally, that the
caregiver is really nervous…then it’s
going to make the child have a lot more
difficulty trusting and going to school
and trying new things,” he says.

“To the best of your (ability), be calm
when talking to your child about the
event,” Widen adds. “Modeling strong
social and emotional skills will help
your children respond in similar ways,”
and these skills will set them up for
future success.

Cotton recommends beginning with
validating your child’s concerns
about returning to school or other
places. “You say it’s understandable
that they would be afraid and try to
get them to think about other times
when they’ve been to parades,
when they’ve been to school, and
nothing happened. So, yes, this bad
thing happened this one time, but
there’s so many other times when a
bad thing didn’t happen.”
NATASAADZIC / ISTOCK / GETTY IMAGES PLUS
T he United States has seen
an inflation in gun violence,
with active shooter incidents
becoming alarmingly more common in
recent years. They increased from just
three in 2000 to 40 in 2020, according
to FBI data. Heartbreakingly, Americans
are seemingly inundated with mass
shooting scares and alerts, even in
societal situations that should be safe
and peaceful, i.e. parades, shopping
malls and—horrifyingly—schools.

It’s easy to feel helpless amid such
existential threats, and there are no
easy answers for parents, who are
often worried themselves in looking
for ways to address children’s fears of
recent shootings.

Three local experts share their
advice on this difficult topic below.

They explain how parents can help kids
process situations in which their trust in
schools and other community locations
has been broken by outside violence.

BY MEGAN CONWAY



BE INTENTIONAL IN HOW YOU GUIDE
AND INTERACT WITH YOUR CHILD.

If the brain is wired to recognize the
bad, “we have to be intentional about
making sure that we take time to
recognize when things are going well,”
Cotton explains. “Even if that’s just like
pointing out to your kid, ‘Oh, there’s so
many pretty pink flowers,’ or ‘Oh, look
at the sunset,’ or giving them a hug or
a smile…If we take time to reinforce
(pleasant things, it), start(s) to convey
to the child that they’re safe.”
Families should encourage children to
talk about how they feel, Widen notes, as
talking about emotions aids in children’s
emotional management (Garner 2010).

This is a good time to discuss reliable
vs. unreliable news sources with older
children to help them “develop critical
thinking skills and make good decisions
based on data,” (CASEL, 2020) she
adds. For children who are reluctant
to discuss their thoughts about violent
events, Widen advises parents to watch
their behaviors for any notable changes
in routines or activities, which may
indicate a child is struggling. “Talk to
your child during times when they open
up to you the most,” she advises.

Additional helpful strategies for ner-
vous kids include doing things that help
calm your child (i.e. snuggling with a pet
or toy), encouraging things that burn off
energy (i.e. physical exercise) and joining
the child in these so “they feel safe and
more connected to you,” Widen adds.

Cotton recommends leaning on what
is developmentally appropriate for
kids when discussing instances of vio-
lence, ensuring that news isn’t passive
but comes directly from the caregiver.

Cotton advises parents to watch what
they have on the TV that children may
see unintentionally.

HELP YOUR CHILD REBUILD
TRUST GRADUALLY.

Managing a child’s response is essen-
tial in promoting healthy coping and
reintroduction mechanisms, explains
Hoover “A natural response to anxiety
and worry is, of course, to avoid what’s
scaring us, but the problem with that
is that the more we tend to avoid scary
situations that make us nervous, the
more scared we get. And so a big part
of helping the children…is to help them
face fears in a reasonable and perhaps
gradual or careful way.”
Hoover advises parents to encourage
children to go to school and push
through discomfort, especially if they are
sure the situation is as safe as it can be.

Sometimes, he notes, for both children
and caregivers this is best accomplished
with a stepwise approach. “So, step one
may be stepping outside your house
for a few minutes and going back in,”
then getting to a further neighborhood
corner and going back in, etc. “In the
end, the real job is to get back out there…
and then the fears and anxieties tend to
fall off when you do that.”
“If you or your child is really strug-
gling with their thoughts or emotions
about feeling safe at school or in public
situations, consider looking for coun-
seling in your community. A counselor
or therapist may be able to help your
family process the event and begin to
move forward,” Widen adds. n
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES FOR PARENTS
National Alliance on Mental Illness
(nami.org) The National Child Traumatic
Stress Network (nctsn.org)
American Academy of Child and
Adolescent Psychiatry (aacap.org)
Report on Indicators of School
Crime and Safety
(bjs.ojp.gov/sites/g/files/xyckuh236/ files/media/document/iscs21.pdf)
American Psychological Association (apa.org)
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