One mom’s decision to log out of
distance learning
I’VE BEEN GETTING a lot of
calls lately from friends asking my opinion
about what they should do with their chil-
dren this fall. My perspective on the subject
is unique.

As an ICU nurse practitioner, I deal with
patients diagnosed with coronavirus every
day. I have witnessed how COVID-19 can
make a totally healthy person critically ill in
the matter of hours. This is happening all
over the country and all over the world. We
are in the middle of a pandemic. In times like
this, survival is key.

Survival for children and families is uni-
versal. We all want our basic needs met: food,
water, shelter and safety. Unfortunately, not
everyone has the privilege of these during
this crisis.

Many children in this country rely on
public school systems to meet their needs.

Schools provides them with free meals if
eligible and a safe environment that they may
not have at home. For parents, it is a source
of childcare.

Many of these families do not have the
luxury to choose between in-person school
or online learning. They cannot afford to stay
home from work or hire a full-time nanny.

They may not have a job or a steady source
of income. For these families, there are no
choices; there is only survival. I am deeply
concerned about them and cannot imagine
the turmoil they face as the crisis continues.

On the other hand, I do not have any
concerns about my children or the children
of my friends who call me to work through
their decision-making process. We are
relatively privileged to have choices; many
of us can afford to stay home, hire a nanny
or put our children in private daycare. For
our children, school isn’t a part of survival
like it is for others.

When the schools shut down in March, I
tried to get my kids to do their Zoom calls.

But they didn’t like it. My shy 6-year-old
daughter didn’t like that her teachers and
friends could see her on camera. So then
we tried to do Zoom without a camera, but
it was still not successful. Her voice was a
barely audible whisper when she was called
on in class to say good morning.

Most of the time she was cranky because
Zoom started before her usual kindergarten
day. I couldn’t get her to do the homework
despite a lot of threatening. She started tell-
ing me that she didn’t like reading or math,
and I began to fear that distance learning
was turning her off to learning in general. It
took her almost four months to adjust to kin-
dergarten when it started last September;
transitioning to Zoom started feeling like
that all over again.

As for my 3-year-old son, he was impos-
sible to get to sit still for his nursery school
Zoom meetings. He was not able to focus on
site words included “Amazon” and “FedEx.”
My son loved playing with his train set and
dressing up in his super hero costumes. He
has been improving his math skills through
his consumption of M&Ms.

Together they jumped on the trampoline
and tried out our new ropes course in our
backyard. They learned to climb our tree and
to make picnics for lunch out front. We took
family bike rides to the end of our street
and played with pine cones. My kids didn’t
have a schedule, and without the pressure of
Zoom, they were happy.

This carefree life of ours lasted for about
My advice to those who are anxious about
making the right decision for school is this:
Do whatever you think is best for your
family and be grateful you have the
privilege of choice.

the discussion or listen to his classmates the
same way he could in a real class environ-
ment. When he did join in, his naturally loud
voice dominated the entire conversation.

Unfortunately, he seemed more of a disrup-
tion to the other students who were able to
sit, listen and participate at an appropriate
volume. It was then that I started wondering if
learning only for the sake of learning—vir-
tual education—means much at all. I think
the value of the traditional classroom expe-
rience encourages children to be innovative,
creative, assertive, social, communicative and
caring. But if this is not available, what is the
value in Zoom?
With other things in the world to worry
about, I stopped caring whether my kids
“passed.” Passing school has nothing to do
with survival.

Instead logging into Zoom, my kids slept
in and were not rushed in the mornings. My
daughter enjoyed doing art projects that she
made for herself every day and working on
perfecting her gymnastics routine. Her new
six weeks. Unfortunately, it was not sustain-
able with my work schedule as an ICU nurse
practitioner. The kids would keep me up all
day, and I wasn’t able to sleep to prepare for
my night shifts.

So we put them in daycare for essential
workers in April, and they have been there
ever since. We are lucky that our kids could
return to a normal school-like environment
where there was no pressure to follow a cur-
riculum. They love their teachers, new friends
and activities. This has truly been a blessing
for our family.

My view on the world has shifted a bit as
maybe it should when we focus on survival.

My advice to those who are anxious about
making the right decision for school is this:
Do whatever you think is best for your family
and be grateful you have the privilege of
choice. n
Ali Karpa is an acute care nurse practitioner
in the ICU at MedStar Montgomery Medical
Center. She is a wife and a mom to a chocolate lab
and two human children, ages 3 and 6.

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