MY TURN
On Heroes and Superheroes
Heroes aren’t losers when they fail;
they are winners because they try.

BY PATRICIA VELKOFF, PHD.

Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton took
place at a time when many found these
efforts both rash and contemptible. Ditto
the civil rights efforts of Martin Luther
King, Jr., Cesar Chavez, Elie Wiesel, Harvey
Milk, Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu and
Malala Yousafzai. None of these figures
accomplished everything they wanted, and
they certainly did not have the benefit of
cinematic tricks. Their heroism was in the
attempt, in the willingness to take great
risks for the sake of principles and beliefs.

It’s important to recognize that heroes
also act despite their personal flaws and
limitations. Abraham Lincoln led the U.S.

through a significant military conflict, as
well as a constitutional and moral crisis.

He kept the country from splitting in two,
despite having fierce enemies, and while suf-
fering from severe bouts of depression. Like
so many other heroes, Lincoln exceeded his
36 Washington FAMILY NOVEMBER 2022
flaws and exceeded the predictions
of many of his contemporaries.

He was heroic, in part because of
those flaws, not in spite of them.

Don’t get me wrong. I am in awe
of the skill it takes to create all man-
ner of superhero special effects.

But our children need models of
ordinary humans who try to do
the right thing even when it’s hard,
even when no one else is doing it,
even when they are not sure how
it will turn out. Superheroes don’t
quite fill that role.

I challenge parents to model
heroism and to point out the
heroic acts they see in the most
commonplace situations. If we
are paying attention, we will
notice small brave moments all
around us: admitting to an embar-
rassing mistake and offering to fix
it; stating an unpopular opinion
or belief; speaking up when a clas-
sist or racist statement is made;
asking people to listen to each
other with respect; not chiming in
when others are gossiping. Then we can talk
with our children about what made these
moments heroic. It’s that simple. No cool
tricks or impressive theatrics. Just ordinary
heroes taking real everyday risks, unsure of
the outcome but sure of what is right, hon-
orable and just.

For inspiration, stories of child heroes can
be found at awesomelibrary.org/Classroom/
Social_Studies/World_Peace/Heroes_and_ Heroism/Child_Heroes.html
Social psychologist Philip Zimbardo
shows people of all ages how to be everyday
heroes. His work can be found at: hero-
icimagination.org. n
Dr. Velkoff is a clinical psychologist in Vienna,
Virginia who works with children, adolescents,
couples, and families.

www.patricia-velkoff.com | 703-938-6100
PROVIDED PHOTO
S uperheroes in movies
have come a long
way from the days
of daredevil martial
arts and aerial tricks. Today’s
superheroes dazzle us with
their impenetrable shields,
indestructible skin, retractable
claws, web shooters and mentally-
controlled chains. Oh, and let’s
not forget about telekinesis and
telepathy. Very cool, indeed.

After the thrill, I am left with a
few questions. What do our chil-
dren learn about heroism from
these superheroes? Will they
come away believing that cour-
age comes from having magical
powers? How will they figure out
that true bravery is someone mak-
ing the decision to do what is right
when it’s hard, or painful, or awk-
ward or risky?
When I talk with children about
superheroes, they describe mysti-
cal skills, fantastic powers and all
kinds of amazing feats. Even with
more questioning, most don’t mention what
these superheroes are trying to accomplish,
like saving the world from evil, defending
the defenseless or fighting for justice.

Most children aren’t absorbing les-
sons about how to walk through daily life
as everyday heroes, choosing to do what
is challenging but just, difficult but right.

I’m not sure they see that real-life heroes
are actually ordinary humans who simply
act with independence and bravery when
they see others who are heartless or hurt-
ful, unkind or unfair, callous or cruel. With
no special powers or skills, heroes show us
what every one of us can be, at our best.

Heroes aren’t losers when they fail; they
are winners because they try. The story of
the hero’s journey has endured precisely
because it speaks to unpretentious human
possibility. The suffrage work of Susan B.