WHEN THE WORST HAPPENS:
Navigating Conversations on
Childhood Abuse
BY MEGAN CONWAY
18 Washington FAMILY NOVEMBER 2022



C
hildhood abuse is one of the
world’s most painful horrors. A
discovery of abuse is a life-alter-
ing reckoning for parents and
caregivers, creating a recovery
process that is difficult and deeply personal.

When the worst happens, how do fam-
ilies carry on? It’s an impossible, yet
essential, topic to discuss to ensure sur-
vivors of childhood abuse receive the care
they need and to prevent future crimes
from occurring. Three regional experts
share below how parents and caregivers
can best navigate conversations with chil-
dren who have experienced abuse, and how
families can begin to rebuild trust after
these experiences.

All incidents of inappropriate behavior or
misconduct of an adult with a child (anyone
younger than 18 years old) should be reported
immediately to the appropriate person and/
or state authorities (child protective services,
law enforcement and/or the State’s Attorney’s
Office) pursuant to state law. Reports may be
made anonymously.

TORN PAPER: NAIAUSS/ADOBE STOCK; CHILD: STOCK_COLORS/E+/GETTY IMAGES PLUS
CREATE A SAFE, SUPPORTIVE AND
CALM ENVIRONMENT WHEN A CHILD
OPENS UP ABOUT ABUSE
“The first, and most critical, thing is to
lead with believing and supporting,” says
Nuria Orsino, manager of victim services
at the Philadelphia Children’s Alliance the
Philadelphia Children’s Alliance. “Research
shows that an important factor in a child’s
ability to heal from trauma is to have a sup-
portive and believing caregiver.”
“It’s very rare for children to make up
stories about being abused,” assures Dr.

Sherri Widen, developmental psycholo-
gist and research manager at Committee
for Children, a global nonprofit working
with families and educators to support the
safety and wellbeing of children.

These conversations will be dev-
astating, but, Alison D’Alessandro,
community outreach and education man-
ager at Baltimore’s Center For Hope,
LifeBridge Health, emphasizes, “Trust
your child is telling you a story that needs
to be told.” Parents should do their best
to remain calm, D’Alessandro adds, as
expressions of shock, fear, anger or disgust
can scare children. What is needed at this
time is careful listening—without inter-
ruption—and shows of support. “Reassure
your child that he or she has done nothing
wrong, and that what happened was not
their fault.”
“As difficult as it is, a caregiver should
limit constantly asking or questioning the
child about their experiences because in
their own need or desire to want to know
the details, it could inadvertently send the
wrong message to the child that they aren’t
‘answering correctly’ or giving the ‘right’
information,” explains Orsino. Children
may interpret this as their caregiver not
believing them, which can cause them to
recant or change their disclosure. Parents
should remain as nonleading as possi-
ble. “Avoiding naming specific people as
someone who may have harmed the child
is important. You want the information to
come from the child directly, and as unin-
fluenced by other people’s…suggestions as
much as possible,” Orsino adds.

“Remember that you don’t need to know
the details about the abuse before get-
ting help for your child,” notes Widen.

“Children— especially younger children—
often don’t have the words for what has
happened or are fearful to disclose it.

You can help your child to express their
emotions and tell you what happened by
explicitly saying, ‘I believe you,’ and ‘You
did the right thing.’”
CHILDREN MAY BE RELUCTANT
TO SHARE INSTANCES OF ABUSE
It’s important that caregivers inform the
child that they will not “get in trouble”
when disclosing abuse. “Many times, chil-
dren have been threatened as part of their
abuse and they may have fears of disclos-
ing and speaking against the offender,”
explains Orsino.

“If you suspect abuse, you can open
the topic during a private talk 1 between
just you and your child by talking about
safe vs. unsafe touching, explicitly stat-
ing that only parents and doctors should
ever touch a child’s private areas to keep
the child clean and healthy and telling
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