LAST WORD
Stirring Up Peace in the
Home, Complete with
Love and Mutual Respect
W When one
person’s voice
is raised, it’s
reciprocated, and
pretty quickly,
no matter the
topic, the point
of conversation
is lost.

46 ith all the confrontation and strife
around us, who doesn’t wish for a
more peaceful world? I’ve watched
people become embroiled in polarizing issues
and hope that they’re paying attention to the
sphere of influence where they are in control. As
one concerned parent, I’ve decided to look first
into the place where I can directly stir up peace:
my own home. Here are some straightforward
tips to help encourage other parents in the realm
where they hold significant influence.

Resist yelling around the house, no matter the
size of your home. Walk into the next room and
talk face-to-face with your child.

With her characteristic transparency Lori
Borgman, grandmother of 11, syndicated colum-
nist and author of, “I Was A Better Mother Before
I Had Kids,” pleads guilty to sometimes raising her
voice around the home. But, she says, that though
it may be momentarily expedient, in the long run,
it’s “a horrible habit to develop.” So, if we mess up
from time to time, don’t give in. Work intention-
ally — like Borgman does — to prevent this oops
from morphing into a hardened habit.

“Face-to-face is always better,” says high
school counselor Susan Childs, noting that when
one person’s voice is raised, it’s reciprocated, and
pretty quickly, no matter the topic, the point of
conversation is lost. Meredith Bodgas, mother
and editor-in-chief of WorkingMother.com
agrees that the message is affected by its deliv-
ery: “Get down on their level so you’re talking to
them, not at them or above them. Not only will
they be more inclined to listen to what you’re say-
ing but you’ll also be less inclined to raise your
voice since you’ll be so close to their little face.”
It’s tempting, but no interrupting or finishing
your kids’ sentences. Be silent. Let them finish all
their thoughts. It’s likely your kids will be more
apt to return in kind and listen fully to you.

When your child asks a question or invites your
opinion, weigh-in, but be brief. Don’t say every-
thing on your mind. Short and sweet will stay
with them longer.

Bodgas addresses the need for two-way com-
munication, suggesting asking your child “What
do you think?” after you’ve spoken. “It gives
your kid a platform to civilly share what’s on
his mind and allows for a difference of opinion,
since you invited him to speak up. Both lead to
healthy discourse.”
Washington FAMILY NOVEMBER 2019
Childs says kids are often asking for some-
thing simple and, missing the point, we go way
too deep. She uses the example of your child ask-
ing where kids come from, a question ensuring a
parent’s flurry to unleash their rehearsed birds-
and-bees speech, only to hear, “Oh, well, Bobby
said he came from Cleveland.” This story illus-
trates the point that as parents we answer too
fully, engaging our adult brains when answering
our children’s questions. Instead, Childs sug-
gests, “don’t elaborate too much unless they
ask for more.” Use your sixth sense to feel them
out if they want to keep talking; otherwise, stop,
Childs recommends.

Love is action-oriented. Show up on time.

Don’t be late to pick your kids up or be the cause
of leaving late for school. You are communicating
your love when you show up on time.

It’s a matter of respect, Childs adds, to show
up for your child when you say you will, no mat-
ter their age. Non-driving high schoolers feel it,
too. “It’s just rude to be late to a meeting, so why
wouldn’t it be the same when we don’t show up
for our kids?” Childs says. “As adults, we try not
to be late and show rudeness, so why wouldn’t we
do the same for our kids?”
Childs’ perspective is seasoned, informed and
personal, coming from years of school counseling
experience. “Just don’t be late for your kids, not to
mention that after-school staff has to wait –some-
one has to wait — with your child until you arrive.

It’s a situation that snowballs.” She reminds us
that our tardiness makes our child stand out.

“Your disrespect is felt by child and school staff.”
Parents, Childs continues, are constantly
searching for ways to help their children grow up
to be respectful, kind and hardworking members
of society, but that a child’s first introduction to
respectful behavior comes from us, repeating the
adage, “It starts at home.” She counsels to do
as we’d like our kids to do and to make home a
haven, a “place of calm for our kids.”
It’s not a simple world to navigate, for sure,
and it’s certainly easy to get swept up in the lat-
est flavor of controversy without making forward
progress. How sweet and satisfying it is, then, to
watch how small changes around the home can
yield disproportionately large results. ■
Kathryn Streeter is a Washington, D.C.-based
mom and blogger.

ISTOCK/GETTY IMAGES PLUS/SIPHOTOGRAPHY
BY KATHRYN STREETER



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