generous, explains Adam Grant, a Wharton
professor and New York Times bestselling
author. “It leads us to think a little about
what we have to offer and how we can con-
tribute something that other people might
appreciate,” he says.

Practicing Gratitude
If families are interested in starting a grat-
itude practice, Kolb recommends easing
into it. “Some families start by taking turns
around the dinner table stating a ‘win’ or
‘peak’ in their day, eventually shaping this
exercise into daily gratitude statements,”
she says. If children seem hesitant at first,
parents can tailor the exercise around
their interests and strengths. Artistic
kids may prefer drawing a picture of their
daily win, and writers can record a posi-
tive experience in a journal as part of their
bedtime routine.

Talking or thinking about a person
to whom you’re grateful is one thing,
but expressing gratitude to that per-
son directly is another. Some studies
even suggest that outward expressions
of gratefulness may be more beneficial to
our well-being than simply thinking about
gratitude. “Children can be taught to
express their gratitude to others by send-
ing thank-you notes or initiating a brief
thank-you phone call,” Kolb says.

Another way to practice gratitude is to
connect it with generosity. During fam-
ily gratitude conversations at their dinner
table, Adam Grant and Allison Sweet
“ Family volunteering
and social service
opportunities allow
parents to point out how
their children’s actions
can fulfill others and
how others express
their gratitude.”
Grant, co-authors of a new children’s book
on generosity, “The Gift Inside the Box,”
ask their kids about who they helped and
who helped them at school. “At first, we
started getting sort of your standard ‘I for-
got’ responses from the kids. But after a
while, they really became thoughtful about
it and would answer with things like, ‘Oh,
I helped somebody study for a quiz’ or
‘I shared my snack,’” says Sweet Grant.

Asking their kids about receiving help from
others reminds them to be grateful for the
people who are supportive of them.

Similarly, “family volunteering and
social service opportunities allow parents
to point out how their children’s actions
can fulfill others and how others express
their gratitude,” Kolb says. But being help-
ful can also start at home with kids taking
on household chores that are appropri-
ate for their age and developmental level.

“By engaging in activities that promote a
sense of community, belongingness and
autonomy, children cultivate gratitude
within themselves and others,” she says.

Mastering the practice of gratitude
takes time and effort, but by incor-
porating more opportunities to feel
grateful every day, children may have
an easier time answering the question
“What are you grateful for?” at next
year’s Thanksgiving dinner. ■
PJ Feinstein, the mother of two young
boys, is a writer and editor in Potomac.

She’s grateful for the opportunity to
contribute to Washington Family.

So why do we
only count
our blessings
at the dinner
table on
the fourth
Thursday of every
November? After all,
positive things happen
to each of
us every day.

— Joy Kolb
licensed psychologist/ licensed behavior
analyst, Alliance Pediatrics, Gaithersburg
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