PARENTING A
Perfectionist CHILD
BY ANN DOLIN
With the heightened pressure on kids
to perform well academically in the
D.C. area, it is no surprise that this
behavior is becoming increasingly
common. To provide more insight
about perfectionism and what parents
can do about it, we interviewed Dr.

Sarah Berger, a perfectionist psychology
associate from the Center for Cognitive
Therapy and Assessment in Falls
Church, VA. Read on to get her advice.

14 November 2018 washingtonFAMILY.com
Q&A WITH DR. SARAH BERGER
Q. LET’S SAY A PARENT HAS
A SEVENTH-GRADER WHO
Q. WHAT CAUSES
CONSTANTLY REWRITES AN ESSAY
PERFECTIONISM? SHE’S BEEN ASSIGNED. HOW
ARE KIDS BORN WITH IT OR IS IT
SHOULD THE PARENT HANDLE
A PRODUCT OF PARENTING?
THIS TYPE OF BEHAVIOR WHEN
A. It’s a mix of both. We don’t know
for certain exactly what causes it,
but research does show that it can be
genetic as well as the environment. But
the environment isn’t just the home; it
can be the school as well.

THE CHILD NEVER THINKS HER
WRITING IS GOOD ENOUGH?
A. The main thing a parent can do
is to be empathic, but also provide
limits. For example, the parent may
say, “I know this is hard for you.

Instead of six drafts like last time, how
about getting it done in four drafts?”
Cutting down on the behavior, even
just slightly at first, is helpful. Later
on, you can cut down to maybe two
or three drafts, but take it slow. It’s
also OK to put a time limit on work
in the evening so that your child isn’t
working into all hours of the night.

BRAIN: ISTOCK / GETTY IMAGES PLUS/RAWPIXEL; GIRL: ISTOCK / GETTY IMAGES PLUS/KWANCHAICHAIUDOM
D oes your child erase and redo
homework over and over again
until it’s just right? Is anything less than
100 percent not good enough? Welcome
to the world of perfectionism, where
unrealistic expectations are daily and
unrelenting. Perfectionists engage in
frequent hypercritical self-talk, bringing
themselves down and creating a whole
lot of stress within the family.