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You for the first time when she was on tour alone
in Korea for a year. Shipping cost $800, and the
breast milk was stuck in customs for three days.

Abbott, who grew up with a stay-at-home
mom while her military father was overseas,
believes there’s something about having a
mother away that’s more difficult.

When her eldest son was getting his
clinical hours to be a military social worker,
he realized how much help he needed, Abbott
recalls. He asked her how she used to do it.

“It’s hard just getting me up and out doing
what I need to do,” Abbot remembers
him saying.

Hunt says a lot of dads are stepping up. Her
last master sergeant, for example, became the
primary parent on call so that his wife could
start her career. This example made Hunt
realize that she should never assume fathers are
more available in their careers than mothers.

Programs in the military to ease the burden
of family separation exist. They aim to keep
military parents together, but they do not apply
to civilian spouses such as Randolph’s spouse.

Randolph had to make the difficult choice
to take her yearlong tour alone to sustain her
husband’s career. Although he and her youngest
were able to visit once, the onset of the COVID-
19 pandemic in early 2020 kept her family,
including two older children, now 7 and 8, apart
for the rest of the tour.

“Service to your country
as a mother is a sacrifice that
cannot be repaid,” she says. It
took her youngest son—now
3—about a year to “have that
trust and love for me” when she
returned in 2021.

Abbott cried for two weeks
when she started a six-month
assignment—her longest up to
that point. Her kids were 2 and 15 at
the time.

“The flag secretary would be asked
where their parents will be living and working,
every day if I was still crying. ‘Yes, sir, but not Abbott says.

as much,’ or ‘she’s OK, sir. She’s drying up,’”
And the military provides local benefits to
Abbott says.

families: more affordable child care on base
and facilities on site such as youth sports
and libraries that provide convenience to
Military Support
Randolph, who works for the Army Talent working parents.

Management Task Force, says one of the goals
Sometimes, finding support is also about
they’re working toward is longer stretches being open with your superiors, Hunt says.

between moves and telework options. This
“If you have a bad day because life is hard,
development is something that she’s been (it’s) being able to go to your boss and have
hoping to see as she reflects on her 21 years that conversation,” she says. “Hopefully, they
of service. Many more dual working families had a few experiences, too, to understand.”
exist today compared to the 1960s, according
to the Pew Research Center.

Making It Work
The Navy has carrier groups that give As a parent in the military, you will have to make
an eight- or nine-hour family cruise with sacrifices, but you can exercise priorities.

fun activities before a deployment. It helps
“Everyone has to sit down and think about
children adapt by becoming familiar with what the must-dos are,” Randolph says,
whether they be dinner together or attending
sports games.

Hunt makes accommodations she can for her
kids, such as letting her son visit his old friends
and feeding off her daughter’s excitement for
moving to a new location.

“She thinks it’s an adventure,” Hunt says,
noting everything is exciting for her, whether it’s
new friends or a new house.

Tammye All three women also have incredible
Abbott takeaways
from their experiences that they
and her
can share
with their kids: respect for service,
two sons
exposure to
history and diversity and the
are shown
at her
knowledge that it’s OK to fail and try again.

youngest’s “I was proud to be in the military,” Abbott
graduation says. “It makes you feel like you’re doing
from something really important.” n
Potomac High School.

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