WF
MY TURN
CARPOOL CONVERSATIONS
After 20 years of driving my kids around,
I miss my role as chauffeur.

was driving in the car with my youngest
son last week when a song from 2015
came on the radio. We both marveled
at the way all the kids loved that tune
back in the day. He asked if it drove me
crazy when the entire car full of mostly
tone-deaf preteens tried to imitate its rapid-
fire interlude.

My answer? A resounding no. The fact was
I loved it — and driving carpool, too.

By my estimation, I have spent 20 years
driving people around town. Those days were
hectic for sure, and my time was not my own,
but all the time on the road added up to a
whole lot of conversations with my kids and
their friends.

I knew which songs and trends were in
and which were totally lame (usually the
ones I thought were hip), who was the latest
YouTube sensation and which teachers were
to be feared or adored.

34 Washington FAMILY MAY 2021
Now that every child in my house
possesses a valid driver’s license, the dawn
of spring makes me nostalgic for the days
of loading up the car for outdoor activities:
sports, picnics, hikes and daytrips to the zoo.

As the days grew longer, so did our time away
from home. Eventually, my SUV morphed
into more than transportation. It became an
endless, snack-filled opportunity for bonding.

There was something magical about the
car that made my kids lose their inhibitions.

They sang louder, laughed more and shared
thoughts as the miles went by. I like to
think the conversations we had on the road
cemented our relationships, and I imagine
moments during the day now when they
think, “I need to tell Mom about this when I
get a chance.”
Finding these chances is where the
challenge lies. My kids are at an age where
we can actually have deep discussions and
meaningful exchanges, but time is fleeting.

Between the responsibilities and hectic pace
of having older children, fewer opportunities
exist for these types of connections. It is
more work than simply settling in for a ride
and letting conversation arise organically.

Years ago, in the thick of the chaos of
rearing younger kids, I never could have
imagined missing my role as chauffeur and
basically living in my car. Yet, here I am.

As with most things in life, we need to
adapt to the changes and stages of parenting
to find new, creative ways to stay connected.

I may not have hours and hours in the
car to prompt discussions, but laying that
foundation for communication has ensured
that our conversations bloom again and again
— just like flowers in the spring. n
Maureen Stiles is a D.C.-based writer sharing the
chaos and joys of parenting three boys. She has
been interviewed for a range of parenting topics
for articles in The Washington Post and
The New York Times and has been published on
many parenting websites and in publications.

MIODRAG IGNJATOVIC/E
I By Maureen Stiles



Washington FAMILY.com 35