YOUR SPECIAL CHILD
A Summer
of Transition
for Your Child With Disabilities
by Erica Rimlinger
Kennedy Krieger’s
Daniel Hoover
recommends parents
keep a “regular
schedule with bedtime,
wake-up time,
meals, schoolwork
and play—yes, even
screen time built in.”
Be honest, but keep it simple
Daniel Hoover, a clinical child and
adolescent psychologist at Kennedy Krieger
Institute’s Center for Child and Family
Traumatic Stress, advises parents to be hon-
est about the situation without sugarcoating
its seriousness. “Give simple, factual infor-
mation about the virus, including the fact
36 Washington FAMILY MAY 2020
that a lot of people are sick and it is a serious
illness,” Hoover says.

In addition to telling children the truth
about the underlying cause of their changed
routines, parents should pair this informa-
tion with a sense of urgency in the solution.

For example, parents can say, “We are all
doing everything we can to stay safe.

Handwashing and social distancing do
really help,” offers Hoover. Parents know
best what their children are able to han-
dle but should consider the child’s level
of vocabulary and comprehension, emo-
tional reactivity and anxieties.

Address their stress
Children may react to the situation in
several different ways. Some will “imme-
diately jump to the conclusion that their
family members will get sick and die,” says
Hoover. “Some may be oblivious and more
concerned with immediate activities and
routine. Some may stay up nights worry-
ing about a vague, threatening sickness
that they don’t understand and have bad
dreams. What we are seeing most in clin-
ical practice at the Center for Traumatic
Stress at Kennedy Krieger right now with
our young clients and their families are
fears and anxieties about the virus.”
No matter how a child is behaving in
response to the situation, active commu-
nication will help reduce stress. Children
can read silence as scary, says Hoover. “They
may not say anything out loud if they think
it’s not a topic that is being readily dis-
cussed.” Or, children “may falsely sense that
it is a subject that should not be discussed.”
Because children “lack experience medi-
ating what information they receive, they
are more likely to have big emotional
responses that are beyond their logical
capacities to cope,” Hoover says. “They are
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“I never thought I’d use the ‘F’
word in front of my daughter. I
did on Monday,” says a mother
of a child with ADHD, who (not sur-
prisingly) asked not to be named in this
article. “That was my worst day.”
The loss of normalcy and routine
impacts everyone, but children with dis-
abilities face additional hurdles coping
with the changes that have upended their
lives and interrupted their education. For
parents of kids with disabilities, the burden
is even greater. Parents must reassemble
their child’s disrupted life: homeschooling,
navigating virtual doctors’ appointments
or therapies, creating new schedules
and routines that address their child’s
emotional, physical and educational needs.

“I spend four to five hours a day homes-
chooling,” the mother says. She describes
the experience as overwhelming. “It’s hor-
rible. I’m just not good at this. At school,
her teachers help her. That’s why they’re
teachers. They know how to help her.”
Meanwhile, job situations are in flux,
there’s no time to work from home and the
sudden “new normal” that descended on
the country in mid-March has no defined
end date. The mother says she misses her
old life. She misses her daughter’s teachers.

Her daughter does, too.

How can parents who have children
with disabilities cope and help their kids
cope as well during this stressful time?



YOUR SPECIAL CHILD
often more likely to ‘read the room’ based
on less reasoned, more gut-level emotional
responses than adults do. Due to inexpe-
rience and less developed logical systems,
they may catastrophize or internalize
concerns based on very little information.”
Because it can be harder to children to
make sense of what’s being explained, it is
good to talk in basic terms and to “refrain
from discussing details,” says Hoover.

“Neurologically, children’s emotional cen-
ters are often sensitized and stimulated by
fears, anger or sadness before their higher
cortical areas—reasoning, perspective
taking or planning—are fully mature. A good
middle ground is best based on the needs of
the child.”
Then parents then offer follow-up sup-
port. “Perhaps a check-in at the end of the
day in which the child is prompted to review
thoughts and feelings and process with help
anything that is concerning,” he says.

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Address your own stress
In his clinical practice, Hoover is also
noticing “parents feeling high internal
expectations to carry out education and
socialization when they are stressed
themselves,” he says.

To children, “uncensored emotional
reactions by parents can be taken as par-
ticularly meaningful and scary,” says
Hoover. He advises parents to keep their
own anxieties manageable when discuss-
ing serious topics with their children but
acknowledges that this can be tough or, in
many cases, impossible. “A parent’s own
fears can’t be totally hidden,” he says.

Children can pick up on their parents’
moods, so “it’s best to speak to the child’s
fears after the parent has done the steps to
manage his or her own emotions, perhaps
through meditation, exercise” or other
self-care activities, Hoover advises.

And if a parent is furloughed? “For the
most part, it ought to be discussed,” he
says. The conversation could be as simple
as saying that Mommy will be at home for a
while until her job starts again. “Offer con-
crete, factual information consistent with
the child’s level of comprehension and
emotional regulation,” says Hoover.

Another potential source of anxi-
ety is the 24/7 news cycle on television,
“It’s best to speak to the child’s fears after the
parent has done the steps to manage his or
her own emotions, perhaps through meditation,
exercise [or other self-care activities].”
according to Hoover. Children, espe-
cially if they have autism, can “take
information in an overly literal man-
ner with a susceptibility to magnifying
fears and anxieties. Too much exposure
is unhealthy for children and parents,”
he says.

Set and keep routines
For kids with disabilities, “a lot of unstruc-
tured time … leads to boredom, emotional
ups and downs, sleep-regulation problems
and behavior and emotion regulation
problems,” says Hoover.

“Develop a visual schedule of weekly
activities that involve experiences of
mastery,” he says, meaning things the child
is good at or can feel a sense of accomplish-
ment doing. The activity should build in
“enjoyment to each day.”
You’re doing fine
Finally, Hoover advises parents to keep
expectations for themselves and their chil-
dren “reasonable.” In most cases, parents
are “not going to be able to provide the level
of these learning opportunities consistent
with what a child would get in ‘normal’
circumstances. And that is fine for a
temporary period,” he says. T
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