HEALTHY FAMILY
Don’t Worry,
The Kids Will
Be All Right
A single mother weighs in on endless
parenting during coronavirus
T Your kids, in fact, will
not be ruined by these
days of unplanned
homeschooling and
quarantine. They
suck, these days most
definitely suck, but the
kids will be all right.

34 Washington FAMILY MAY 2020
he shift started the third week our
children were home from school, in
our care and minus the daily mark-
ings of their lives: swim team or lacrosse
practice, play groups or church groups.

It was us, them, our computers, our Net-
flix accounts and an unsteady stream of
groceries. The first two weeks of quarantine were
aspirational. Parents posted home school-
ing schedules and tips. People baked bread.

There were rumors of closet clean-outs and
craft projects. Chalk mosaics. Taped stain
glass murals on fronts doors and teddy bear
scavenger hunts.

Then the opposition spoke up. Their
closets were still full of crap and were going
to stay that way. Who even knew if there
was a teddy bear in their house and where
that fluffy thing was anyway? This was
getting hard, they said.

Now, this week: Doubt. I saw a meme that
said, “You think it’s bad now? In 20 years,
our country will be run by people home
schooled by day drinkers.” It was meant to
be funny, of course, but many more parents
on social media are starting to comment on
how tired they are, how much harder this is
getting, and finally, that they’re pretty sure
they are screwing up their kids.

Hold up. There are a great many things
I don’t know in this world: Physics, Span-
ish verbs, how we can move from a con-
sumer-driven economy to producing more
goods after this crisis. But I can tell you this
right now with all of my assurance: You’re
not screwing up your kids.

Your kids, in fact, will not be ruined by
these days of unplanned home schooling
and quarantine. They suck, these days most
definitely suck, but the kids will be all right.

How do I know this? I am a single
mother. About 12 years ago, my ex-hus-
band moved back to Montana, where we
had lived for many years, and gave up cus-
tody of our two children. He sends child
support, and for the first few years, he vis-
ited as often as once a month. But back-to-
school nights, sports physicals, Confirma-
tion classes, Sunday double headers with
the travel team: all me.

The stats and stereotypes on single moth-
ers are not good. Indeed, when I got divorced,
the first in my mostly Catholic family to do
so, there were a lot of people ready to tell me
that I was going to screw up my kids. An equal
number frequently offered, “I don’t know how
you do it,” which is about the most unhelpful
thing you can say to a single parent. Just come
out and tell us, “I think your life sucks.”
In truth, there were times in my life when
things did suck, when I couldn’t get it all
done, when I worried about money (OK,
that’s all the time) or when I didn’t know
how to help my kids.

But my kids? They are all right. At 20
and 17, neither one of them has a criminal
record. They have good friends, things they
are passionate about and people who like to
be around them. And they are successful at
the things they love.

They are also wildly imperfect and have
much to learn. So do I. But here are three
things I know to be true:
Routines are helpful (even
when you have older kids)
My daughter was sent home from her study
MOFLES / ISTOCK / GETTY IMAGES PLUS
BY JESSICA GREGG



HEALTHY FAMILY
abroad program in Dublin, Ireland, when the
coronavirus started making its way toward
Europe, and here she is now chewing and
slurping while I am trying to edit. And she will
be here all summer, too, taking online classes
and continuing to eat very near me.

She likes to have deep conversations at
10:30 p.m. I do not.

I’ll admit it: This is the kind of day-to-
day crap that could sink us. Don’t let it.

Get a schedule, but not one of those Pin-
terest-worthy, color-coded numbers that
were all the rage in Week 1. Establish a
few key times for things throughout the
day and then stick to them. Kids need rou-
tines, they need to know what to expect.

If you are not a teacher, don’t attempt a
middle school A-B module. Even if you are,
I would say don’t do it. Pick a few things
that need to happen every day and make
sure they do them.

For me, it means allowing my super creative,
extroverted oldest child to have time to vent,
but also to make sure she has projects to
challenge her during this time.

Connecting with other adults is
important When my kids were small, I hated all the
“Brush your teeth” and “Do your homework”
things I had to say all the time because I was
the only adult there to say them. It was so
great when teachers or their doctors gave
them marching orders. My heroes!
Which brings me to this: You and your chil-
dren are devoid of other adults right now, and
you both need to find them. Call grandparents
every day. Write to your neighbors and leave
notes in their mailboxes. Send your veterinar-
ian a photo of your dog. Email your pediatri-
cian and ask how he or she is doing. All those
Facebook Live experiences with children’s
authors? Have your kids watch one.

Our day-to-day worlds are full of adults,
and your kids should reconnect with some of
them. It will bring back some of the normal,
and it will help you feel less alone.

It’s OK to be emotional
My ex-husband and I lost friends on 9/11, and
I spent the first part of my pregnancy with
our son crying. I remember telling my doctor
that it was crazy to bring a child into this sad
world. Surely this was destined to make him
a sad and angry kid.

Flash forward: My son is the most laid-
back member of our family—and also the
tallest, by far, which has earned him the
nickname “Gentle Giant.” He is introverted
and compassionate, and his EQ is high. For
all the sadness of during my pregnancy, he
has turned out fine.

So, go ahead and cry if you need to. Feel
in control one day and out of sorts the next.

Ride the ride. We’re are all going to be sad
and mad and all the things. It doesn’t do any
good to pretend to our children that we are
not human, and there is no need to worry
because you are.

And it will get better. Like all stages of
parenting, this will not last. In that way, we
may have a greater understanding of this
moment than folks without kids right now:
We absolutely know how fleeting time is.

You are not alone. You will get through this.

And the kids will be all right. I promise. n
Parenting isn’t easy, but there
are strategies that can help.

Find support and resources
at familytreemd.org/flip
or our 24-hour Parenting
HelpLine at 800-243-7337.

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