HEALTHY FAMILY
communicate how they are feeling but will
often make a bid for attention and com-
munication through play,” Pantoulis says.

“Don’t be surprised to see themes of illness,
doctor visits and isolation. Understand that
play is cathartic and helpful for children—
it is how they process their world and
problem solve.” Playing with children is
not only a good way to see things through
their eyes and better understand how
they are coping, it’s also just a fun way to
spend quality time. When this is all done,
kids will remember the time you spent
making them feel like your attention was
all theirs.

Be gentle and forgiving
Know that isolation can bring out the
worst in people, and don’t take it per-
sonally if someone starts an argument.

“Each person will have moments when
they will not be at their best,” Pantoulis
notes. Especially with children, you
can expect behavioral issues when rou-
tines are disrupted, and you should
respond gently. “Expect increased anx-
iety, worries and fears, nightmares,
difficulty separating or sleeping, testing
limits and meltdowns. Do not introduce
major behavioral plans or consequences
at this time—hold stable and focus on
emotional connection,” she says.

Have a safe space for privacy
When people are sheltering in place, space
is at a premium. Pantoulis suggests that
everyone finds their own retreat space
to get away from the stresses of work or
when they just need to be alone for a while.

“Help children identify a place where they
can go to retreat when stressed. You can
make this place cozy by using blankets,
pillows, cushions, scarves, beanbags, tents
and forts. It’s good to know that even when
we are on top of each other, we have our
own place to go to be alone,” she says.

Empower children to take time out to seek
solace in that special spot when they feel
overwhelmed. Lower your expectations
Let’s face it, there’s a lot being asked of
parents right now: working from home,
schooling at home, caring for everyone at
home, not leaving home. “These are scary
and unpredictable times for children.

Focus on strengthening the connection
through time spent following their lead,
through physical touch, through play,
through therapeutic books and via ver-
bal reassurances that you will be there for
them in this time,” Pantoulis advises. “We
are doing too many things in this moment
under fear and stress. Be accepting of
everything about yourself, your current
situation and your life without question,
blame or pushback. We are all truly doing
the best we can.”
also offer kids a way of communicating
difficult emotions.

Turn off the bad, see the good
“Find a few trusted news sources that
you can check in with consistently, limit
it to a few times a day and set a time limit
for yourself on how much you consume.

Keep news and alarming conversations
out of earshot from children—they see
and hear everything and can become
very frightened by what they hear,”
Pantoulis says. Instead, try to focus on
the good in the world. Balance the neg-
ative with stories of hope and kindness.

And find your own ways to be a source
of good in the community. Giving back
and helping others makes us feel more
positive overall.

Don’t forget the best medicines
Laughter is good therapy. In troubled
times, balance the somber climate with
lightheartedness whenever you can. “We
all need a little comedic relief in our
day, every day,” says Pantoulis, whether
it comes from YouTube videos, a funny
movie or (one of my personal favorites)
silly viral memes on Facebook. There is
no denying the gravity of the situation,
and nobody is minimizing the serious-
ness of what has unfolded in recent
days and weeks and months. But some-
times you simply need to find a glimpse
of humor somewhere to pull you through.

Getting a reminder that there are still
unexpected reasons to smile in the world
is a priceless thing.

Actual therapy is also very good therapy.

“If you are having difficulty coping, seek
out help,” Pantoulis urges. Even in these
distanced situations, therapists can help,
with many able to connect via telehealth.

Keep up your medications and sessions
if you already have a therapist. Seek out
support groups for specific issues, and
know that even if you feel isolated, you
are not alone.

Control what you can
You can’t control what is going on in the
outside world, but you can find ways to
exercise control within your own world.

“Organize your bookshelf, purge your
closet, put together furniture, group
toys. It helps to anchor and ground us
when the bigger things are chaotic,”
advises Pantoulis.

Find your feel-good outlets, and
get busy with enjoyable distractions.

Appreciate that you may not have a long-
term attention span right now, but you
have long-term timeframes to engage
yourself with novel ways to take a break
from what’s going on.

Pantoulis tells clients that repetitive
movement (knitting, coloring, painting,
jumping rope, running, drumming) and
expressive arts (sculpting, drawing, dancing,
music, singing, playing) can be effective
means of self-soothing. Creative outlets
Take it one day at a time
Each day is one day closer to the day this
is behind us. But nobody can predict
just what we’re in for next, and that cre-
ates anxiety. “When I work with patients
who have anxiety around overwhelming
issues, I suggest that they engage in a
strategy called ‘chunking’—focusing
on whatever bite-sized piece of a chal-
lenge that feels manageable,” Pantoulis
says. Remind yourself that this will pass,
though it may feel as if the path we’re
on is never ending. Life will carry on,
and one day we will have the ability to
reflect on this time with the perspective
of survivors. Think of potential positive
outcomes. What will we have learned?
How will we have grown?
Deep breaths, parents. It’s going to be
OK. This is not our “new normal” it’s just
our “new right now.” Trust that normal
will be back. n
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