HEALTHY FAMILY
Keep On
Keeping On
Continued coping with coronavirus
and what families can do
by Courtney McGee
How some parents
are coping:
“I’ve been dressing up in costume
every day and challenging my
friend’s 5-year-old to a daily
costume contest. My husband
thinks I’m nuts.”
—Julie Klinger-Luht
“We’re planting vegetables,
delving deeper into learning more
about living a minimalist lifestyle,
baking, having old-school DJ
dance parties and reading!”
—Dorothy Freas
“Time to teach ‘real life’ skills:
checking the oil in the car, running
the lawnmower, using basic tools,
cooking. My girls are 12 and 15,
and the overwhelming issue is
boredom (versus stress), so I
think they will welcome something
different to do.”
—David Coyne
“We utilize different parts of the
house and yard for different parts
of the day with my 5-year-old.

Getting up and getting ready for
the day and setting up work and
play times helps.”
—Amy Metzger
32 Washington FAMILY MAY 2020
Stay on schedule
Pantoulis says it is important to maintain
routines as much as possible. Keep sleep
and wake times consistent, and get show-
ered and dressed. “Dress for the social life
you want, not the social life you have,”
she says. Even in isolation, wash up, brush
your teeth and put on some bright colors.

How you dress will impact how you feel.

Make self-care a priority. When we’re
stressed out, healthy habits fall by the way-
side. “Stress and eating don’t mix well, and
we find ourselves overindulging, forget-
ting to eat and avoiding food,” Pantoulis
says. Stay hydrated and eat sensibly, rec-
ognizing that good nutrition will help
give you the strength to weather a crisis.

Create a toolkit of items that may soothe
you when you’re feeling anxious and over-
whelmed: a cozy blanket, a journal, a
coloring book, bubbles, favorite photos
or small treats, and help children do the
same with items that bring them joy
and relaxation.

Get your three 30s
Throughout the course of your day, make
sure to fit in three critical half-hour
activities: getting outside, moving your
body with purpose and connecting with
other people.

Pantoulis suggests that if you are con-
cerned about the risk of contact with
others, you may opt to go outside in the
early morning or late evening or just make
a point of opening windows and experi-
encing the satisfaction of fresh outdoor
air. Purposeful body movement could be
following an exercise video or simply cut-
ting loose and dancing to your favorite
music like nobody’s watching (because
they’re not).

The other 30-minute slot of your day
should include reaching out to other peo-
ple to find or offer support. FaceTime or
Zoom conferencing are great ways to con-
nect for virtual “play dates” at any age.

Help the kids check in with their friends
this way, too.

Be a good playmate
Play with your kids. “Children rarely
ISTOCK / GETTY IMAGES PLUS: SAM THOMAS
I n a full-blown global pandemic, I find
myself wistful for this time last year,
when a measles outbreak was the big-
gest health story around.

The COVID-19 crisis is tough to write
about because … well, because everything
just seems harder right now. Things aren’t
just changing week to week but minute
by minute. The only certain thing is
uncertainty. That’s unnerving for anyone,
especially children, who rely on predict-
ability and structure for comfort. Schools
are closed, trips have stopped, people are
fearful for the lives of their loved ones.

Then add in isolation from friends and
extended family, loss of income and the
cancellation of events of all kinds.

Oh, and throw on heaps of pressure to
maintain a child’s schooling at home. It’s
overwhelming. Tensions are high, patience
is thin, emotions are raw and, more often
than not, concentration on even routine
tasks is … wait, what was I saying?
Let’s consider some ways that fami-
lies can overcome the stress and fear of
this unprecedented time. Here, Lauren
Pantoulis, a licensed professional coun-
selor who sees children, adolescents and
adults, shares the mental health advice
she is giving to her clients during this
challenging time.




HEALTHY FAMILY
communicate how they are feeling but will
often make a bid for attention and com-
munication through play,” Pantoulis says.

“Don’t be surprised to see themes of illness,
doctor visits and isolation. Understand that
play is cathartic and helpful for children—
it is how they process their world and
problem solve.” Playing with children is
not only a good way to see things through
their eyes and better understand how
they are coping, it’s also just a fun way to
spend quality time. When this is all done,
kids will remember the time you spent
making them feel like your attention was
all theirs.

Be gentle and forgiving
Know that isolation can bring out the
worst in people, and don’t take it per-
sonally if someone starts an argument.

“Each person will have moments when
they will not be at their best,” Pantoulis
notes. Especially with children, you
can expect behavioral issues when rou-
tines are disrupted, and you should
respond gently. “Expect increased anx-
iety, worries and fears, nightmares,
difficulty separating or sleeping, testing
limits and meltdowns. Do not introduce
major behavioral plans or consequences
at this time—hold stable and focus on
emotional connection,” she says.

Have a safe space for privacy
When people are sheltering in place, space
is at a premium. Pantoulis suggests that
everyone finds their own retreat space
to get away from the stresses of work or
when they just need to be alone for a while.

“Help children identify a place where they
can go to retreat when stressed. You can
make this place cozy by using blankets,
pillows, cushions, scarves, beanbags, tents
and forts. It’s good to know that even when
we are on top of each other, we have our
own place to go to be alone,” she says.

Empower children to take time out to seek
solace in that special spot when they feel
overwhelmed. Lower your expectations
Let’s face it, there’s a lot being asked of
parents right now: working from home,
schooling at home, caring for everyone at
home, not leaving home. “These are scary
and unpredictable times for children.

Focus on strengthening the connection
through time spent following their lead,
through physical touch, through play,
through therapeutic books and via ver-
bal reassurances that you will be there for
them in this time,” Pantoulis advises. “We
are doing too many things in this moment
under fear and stress. Be accepting of
everything about yourself, your current
situation and your life without question,
blame or pushback. We are all truly doing
the best we can.”
also offer kids a way of communicating
difficult emotions.

Turn off the bad, see the good
“Find a few trusted news sources that
you can check in with consistently, limit
it to a few times a day and set a time limit
for yourself on how much you consume.

Keep news and alarming conversations
out of earshot from children—they see
and hear everything and can become
very frightened by what they hear,”
Pantoulis says. Instead, try to focus on
the good in the world. Balance the neg-
ative with stories of hope and kindness.

And find your own ways to be a source
of good in the community. Giving back
and helping others makes us feel more
positive overall.

Don’t forget the best medicines
Laughter is good therapy. In troubled
times, balance the somber climate with
lightheartedness whenever you can. “We
all need a little comedic relief in our
day, every day,” says Pantoulis, whether
it comes from YouTube videos, a funny
movie or (one of my personal favorites)
silly viral memes on Facebook. There is
no denying the gravity of the situation,
and nobody is minimizing the serious-
ness of what has unfolded in recent
days and weeks and months. But some-
times you simply need to find a glimpse
of humor somewhere to pull you through.

Getting a reminder that there are still
unexpected reasons to smile in the world
is a priceless thing.

Actual therapy is also very good therapy.

“If you are having difficulty coping, seek
out help,” Pantoulis urges. Even in these
distanced situations, therapists can help,
with many able to connect via telehealth.

Keep up your medications and sessions
if you already have a therapist. Seek out
support groups for specific issues, and
know that even if you feel isolated, you
are not alone.

Control what you can
You can’t control what is going on in the
outside world, but you can find ways to
exercise control within your own world.

“Organize your bookshelf, purge your
closet, put together furniture, group
toys. It helps to anchor and ground us
when the bigger things are chaotic,”
advises Pantoulis.

Find your feel-good outlets, and
get busy with enjoyable distractions.

Appreciate that you may not have a long-
term attention span right now, but you
have long-term timeframes to engage
yourself with novel ways to take a break
from what’s going on.

Pantoulis tells clients that repetitive
movement (knitting, coloring, painting,
jumping rope, running, drumming) and
expressive arts (sculpting, drawing, dancing,
music, singing, playing) can be effective
means of self-soothing. Creative outlets
Take it one day at a time
Each day is one day closer to the day this
is behind us. But nobody can predict
just what we’re in for next, and that cre-
ates anxiety. “When I work with patients
who have anxiety around overwhelming
issues, I suggest that they engage in a
strategy called ‘chunking’—focusing
on whatever bite-sized piece of a chal-
lenge that feels manageable,” Pantoulis
says. Remind yourself that this will pass,
though it may feel as if the path we’re
on is never ending. Life will carry on,
and one day we will have the ability to
reflect on this time with the perspective
of survivors. Think of potential positive
outcomes. What will we have learned?
How will we have grown?
Deep breaths, parents. It’s going to be
OK. This is not our “new normal” it’s just
our “new right now.” Trust that normal
will be back. n
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