HEALTHY FAMILY
Hey, Moms! Prioritize You
Don’t put your health last!
s much as we look to creating
healthful habits for kids, it’s time
to turn the camera on ourselves
and see if we are setting healthy examples.

Moms tend to focus so fully on everyone
else that it can take a toll on their own
wellness, in mind and body.

Why does self-care feel selfish?
You get the kids to the dentist, the pedi-
atrician and their activities on time, but
still haven’t scheduled your overdue
mammogram. Your kids are outfitted in
new sports gear, and you’re wearing worn-
out sneakers. You pack healthy lunches
and snacks for everyone, yet grab crack-
ers and a soda from the vending machine
to eat at your desk. Someone else’s needs
are always more pressing. Who’s looking
out for you?
“The identity of self as an independent
person versus as a parent is often hard to
separate,” says Lauren Pantoulis, licensed
clinical professional counselor (LCPC).

“Most women assume if they take time to
look at their own needs that they are being
selfish and less of a mother. A feeling of
discontent can build over time and result
in resentment, relationship issues, fatigue,
lack of patience and burnout.”
Stress, pressure and anxiety
“We are living in a culture of the ‘super
mom’ who works, keeps a perfect home,
hosts Pinterest-perfect parties, volun-
teers at school, coaches a team, cooks
healthy meals every night, helps with
homework and is raising kind, gifted
children who will go to Harvard on schol-
arship. At least, that’s what we see on
social media and television,” Pantoulis
says. “There is a pervasive message that
unless she’s devoting all of her time and
energy outward, she’s not doing her best
for her family.”
“We are drowning in the pressure of
how we ‘should’ be living,” she adds. “The
result is high levels of stress and anxiety,
and sometimes depression, as mothers give
everything to their various roles in life with-
out stopping to think about what makes
them feel happy as an individual.”
34 WashingtonFAMILY MAY 2019
Don’t wait until something
gives way
It’s often not until a crisis point that we
think of ourselves, and even then it’s more
likely because we’re worried about what
will happen to our families if we become
unable to care for them than because we’re
concerned about our own well-being.

Reframe it, if necessary, to see that in tak-
ing care of yourself you are ensuring that you
are around to care for your loved ones, Panto-
ulis says. Think of the airline safety pre-flight
speech — in an emergency, you are instructed
to secure your oxygen mask before tending to
those in your care. Prioritizing yourself allows
you to bring your best self to those you love
and sets a valuable precedent in affirming that
your needs are important.

“The identity of self as
an independent person
versus as a parent is
often hard to separate.

Most women assume if
they take time to look
at their own needs that
they are being selfish
and less of a mother.”
— LAUREN PANTOULIS
LICENSED CLINICAL PROFESSIONAL
COUNSELOR (LCPC).

Think about what you are modeling
Learning how to set boundaries and goals
are lessons that will serve children well in
life, and they can learn by watching you.

“Teaching your children that self-care is
important not only teaches them to respect
you as an individual, but it also shows them
healthy habits for caring for themselves,”
Pantoulis says. “When they see you doing
things for yourself, they learn that not
only is that OK, but it’s good for their own
GRADYREESE/E+/GETTY IMAGES
A BY COURTNEY MCGEE



HEALTHY FAMILY
mental and physical health.”
Model independence and show the kids
that they don’t need you for everything! “You
want your daughters and sons to value their
own self-care and not feel the need to grow
into ‘people pleasers.’ Let them problem
solve, take on some additional responsibil-
ity or seek support from others,” she says.

“These are life skills.”
confidence and contentment will soar. And
that’s an example worth setting.

“Your kids will see you growing as your
own person and take pride in the fact that
their parent is well rounded, strong and inde-
pendent,” Pantoulis says. “It also helps with
the relationship between spouses/partners,
as intimacy can also suffer when parents are
feeling tapped out and frustrated.”
Set aside time for cultivating
YOUR healthy habits
Nobody thinks they have enough hours in
a day, yet if necessary you’d carve time out
of thin air to make sure your loved ones get
their needs met. Do the same for yourself.

“Start small. Pick one thing and begin there.

Maybe a daily walk, a block of time to read or
joining a gym,” Pantoulis suggests.

Be creative. Try a guided meditation app.

Rediscover an old hobby. Take a healthy
cooking class with your spouse. Sign up for
a 5K with a friend to keep each other moti-
vated and accountable. As you commit to
finding time and enjoyable ways to reflect,
recharge and restore healthy balance, your
“When mama ain’t happy,
ain’t nobody happy”
The old saying does hold true. “Mom tends
to be the center of the home,” says Panto-
ulis. “And, like a body, when the heart isn’t
healthy, the rest starts to falter.” Consider
your self-care needs the same as you would
your children’s: balancing emotional, phys-
ical, nutritional and self-expression needs.

Consider ways you can restore healthy bal-
ance, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Do a regular “check-in” with yourself, and
take inventory of your feelings. Ask yourself:
Do I feel resentful? Do I rely on autopilot to
get through my day? Am I missing out on
enjoying little things and being present in
the moment? Am I always fixating on what
I have to do next? Are guilt and obligation
my motivators for getting things done? Can
I find laughter and contentedness in my day?
Am I neglectful of my own health — sick
more often, gaining/losing weight or sleep-
ing poorly? What percentage of my day is
spent focused solely on others?
Keep that “Mother’s Day”
vibe all year
Pantoulis admits that even she sometimes
feels hypocritical in advising moms to be
more attentive to self-care, when she knows
all too well how easy it is to neglect your own
needs for the sake of others.

As a health-based writer and mom myself,
I don’t want to go overboard on advice and
add to the pressure of what you should be
doing (besides, it’s easier to give advice than
to follow it!). But I do want to give you this
reminder: In this month when we celebrate
moms, please take an opportunity to pause
and consider your own well-being, recognize
your worth and promise yourself the ongo-
ing gift of prioritizing YOU. ■
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