HEALTHY FAMILY
Hey, Moms! Prioritize You
Don’t put your health last!
s much as we look to creating
healthful habits for kids, it’s time
to turn the camera on ourselves
and see if we are setting healthy examples.

Moms tend to focus so fully on everyone
else that it can take a toll on their own
wellness, in mind and body.

Why does self-care feel selfish?
You get the kids to the dentist, the pedi-
atrician and their activities on time, but
still haven’t scheduled your overdue
mammogram. Your kids are outfitted in
new sports gear, and you’re wearing worn-
out sneakers. You pack healthy lunches
and snacks for everyone, yet grab crack-
ers and a soda from the vending machine
to eat at your desk. Someone else’s needs
are always more pressing. Who’s looking
out for you?
“The identity of self as an independent
person versus as a parent is often hard to
separate,” says Lauren Pantoulis, licensed
clinical professional counselor (LCPC).

“Most women assume if they take time to
look at their own needs that they are being
selfish and less of a mother. A feeling of
discontent can build over time and result
in resentment, relationship issues, fatigue,
lack of patience and burnout.”
Stress, pressure and anxiety
“We are living in a culture of the ‘super
mom’ who works, keeps a perfect home,
hosts Pinterest-perfect parties, volun-
teers at school, coaches a team, cooks
healthy meals every night, helps with
homework and is raising kind, gifted
children who will go to Harvard on schol-
arship. At least, that’s what we see on
social media and television,” Pantoulis
says. “There is a pervasive message that
unless she’s devoting all of her time and
energy outward, she’s not doing her best
for her family.”
“We are drowning in the pressure of
how we ‘should’ be living,” she adds. “The
result is high levels of stress and anxiety,
and sometimes depression, as mothers give
everything to their various roles in life with-
out stopping to think about what makes
them feel happy as an individual.”
34 WashingtonFAMILY MAY 2019
Don’t wait until something
gives way
It’s often not until a crisis point that we
think of ourselves, and even then it’s more
likely because we’re worried about what
will happen to our families if we become
unable to care for them than because we’re
concerned about our own well-being.

Reframe it, if necessary, to see that in tak-
ing care of yourself you are ensuring that you
are around to care for your loved ones, Panto-
ulis says. Think of the airline safety pre-flight
speech — in an emergency, you are instructed
to secure your oxygen mask before tending to
those in your care. Prioritizing yourself allows
you to bring your best self to those you love
and sets a valuable precedent in affirming that
your needs are important.

“The identity of self as
an independent person
versus as a parent is
often hard to separate.

Most women assume if
they take time to look
at their own needs that
they are being selfish
and less of a mother.”
— LAUREN PANTOULIS
LICENSED CLINICAL PROFESSIONAL
COUNSELOR (LCPC).

Think about what you are modeling
Learning how to set boundaries and goals
are lessons that will serve children well in
life, and they can learn by watching you.

“Teaching your children that self-care is
important not only teaches them to respect
you as an individual, but it also shows them
healthy habits for caring for themselves,”
Pantoulis says. “When they see you doing
things for yourself, they learn that not
only is that OK, but it’s good for their own
GRADYREESE/E+/GETTY IMAGES
A BY COURTNEY MCGEE