YOUR SPECIAL CHILD
Gifted With
Learning Disabilities
What it really means to be
twice-exceptional N
ow and then throughout my son’s
childhood, I wondered whether
something was amiss. For example,
the way he wrote certain letters seemed
odd, like starting at the bottom of a “p,”
where I would start at the top. He often
couldn’t follow what I thought was a clear a
series of instructions, such as “Go upstairs,
get your homework, put on socks.” He’d
start a freehand drawing, scribble a few
lines, then seem to lose interest.

I knew he was smart; he started reading
at age 2. So when it came to his penman-
ship, I figured he’d work it out. When he
couldn’t follow instructions, I assumed
he just wasn’t paying attention. When he
seemed disinclined to draw, I hoped he’d
find other hobbies.

Then in fifth grade his academics started
to sputter—a sprinkling of Cs and Ds
among the As. I reached out to his teachers,
the school learning specialist and finally, a
neuropsychological testing service. They
diagnosed him with attention deficit dis-
order (ADHD), executive functioning and
motor-sensory integration challenges
and also giftedness.

That was the first time I heard the term
“twice-exceptional” or 2E used to describe
someone who is gifted and has learning dis-
abilities. Once I realized I was raising a 2E,
I knew had to change how I parented, so I
reached out to Paul Rubenstein, a Maryland-
certified therapist with degrees in special
education and clinical social work. Although
he’s my son’s therapist, he’s helped me,
and my son, rebuild the way my son must
approach tasks both at home and at school.

“Children who are 2E are often mis-
understood and often misunderstand
themselves,” says Rubenstein, whose
own son read at a college level in fourth
grade but couldn’t tell time until he was
14. “Imagine what that feels like from the
inside out: a brain that moves at supersonic
40 Washington FAMILY MARCH 2020
speed in one area but at a snail’s pace
in another.”
But 2Es are hard to spot. “Sometimes
giftedness camouflages learning challenges,
sometimes attentional problems mask
superior cognitive ability,” says Rubenstein.

He suggests parents faced with what they
feel is an underachieving child shouldn’t
just assume the child is slacking. Rather,
they should ask themselves, “What’s going
on with my kid?”
“If parents are baffled by a child who has
terrific ability but underperforms, it’s wise
to consider why this happens rather than
relying on the intangible and relatively use-
less bromide of ‘just try harder,’” he says.

In Rubenstein’s experience, a child who
seems capable beyond her years but can’t
write a coherent sentence, or who completes
his homework but never turns it in, is prob-
ably not lazy or unmotivated. The biggest
clue that a child is twice-exceptional is if the
child is bright but just can’t seem to perform
as their intellect indicates they should.

While parents should ask “why” a child
is struggling, Rubenstein says schools must
ask the “what” and “how” questions. Simply
knowing that students can be both gifted
and learning disabled goes a long way.

Because 2Es can have such a broad range
of gifts and disabilities, he urges schools
with whom he works to look at the indi-
vidual child’s strengths, learning styles and
specific needs for accommodation.

Unfortunately, 2Es are frequently under
identified and their struggles often dismissed
because their giftedness can make their roll-
ercoaster grades or erratic performances
look like laziness. This puts them at risk
for depression, anxiety, underachievement
and social withdrawal. “Parents and schools
can mitigate much of the stress and anxiety
by identifying kids who are 2E and naming
the complexities of being both gifted and
learning disabled,” says Rubenstein.

ISTOCK/GETTY IMAGES PLUS/GPOINTSTUDIO
BY AMY L. FREEMAN



YOUR SPECIAL CHILD
Meanwhile, the newly diagnosed 2E child
might have emotional issues to unpack, as
they work to recalibrate their own self-worth.

“2E kids have a lot of knowledge about
themselves that’s often hard to express,”
says Rubenstein. A 2E’s inability to easily
do what they see their peers doing, or what
they think they should do, can cause intense
distress, as they struggle with heavy pressure
to perform and as they try to dig out from
having been labeled as “slacking off.”
I remember the day I tiptoed into my
son’s bedroom to share his diagnoses with
him, worried the label would upset him.

Instead, he punched a fist in the air and
shouted, “I knew it wasn’t my fault!”
With new supports in place, he’s improv-
ing, albeit more slowly than he (or I) wants.

But at least now, if someone tells him he
needs to “try harder,” he can tell them he
needs to “try differently.” T
Amy L. Freeman’s bylines include
The Washington Post, Parents.com,
HuffPost, GoodHousekeeping.com and
many others, including the 2018 Writer’s
Resist Anthology. She divides her time
between freelance writing and serving
as Development Director for The Writer’s
Center in Bethesda, MD.

“If parents are baffled by a child who has
terrific ability but underperforms, it’s wise
to consider why this happens rather than
relying on the intangible and relatively
useless bromide of ‘just try harder.’”
See how far your heart
can reach this year!
—PAUL RUBENSTEIN
ISTOCK/GETTY IMAGES PLUS/VICHIENPETCHMAI
See how far your heart
can reach this year!
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