TEXT Dr. Stephanie O’Leary
A s a psychologist, I see children of all
• Make it a game or a challenge: Younger
ages—and their parents—in my offi ce.

children love games and older kids are motivated
I also live with my husband and our
by challenges. Keep it fun by making requests
two children. The most common “complaint”
like, “How fast do you think you can get dressed?
I receive both at home and at work is that no
Quick, I’ll time you!” or, “It’s time to put your toys
away. Do you think you can do it by the time I’m
one listens. Kids, mine included, routinely
done with my shower? Let’s race!”
report that parents and siblings never listen to
them, and that no one cares what they have to
• Cut yourself some slack! If you’re having a hard
say. Similarly, parents, myself included from
time simplifying your requests or if your best
time to time, often feel their children have
eff orts are still met with maddening push back or
an in-one-ear-and-out-the-other approach to
the sound of crickets chirping, hang in there!
communication. So how do we break this cycle within our
families? You can help your kids open their ears
and start to truly hear what you’re saying with
these simple yet powerful tips:
2. LOCK EYES: Shouting from room to room happens, but
making eye contact helps kids focus on your message (and
saves your vocal cords, a win-win).

• are locked with yours, they will be less likely to
ignore or forget your request. Even if they like what
1. TELL YOUR CHILD WHAT YOU EXPECT OF HIM OR HER:
you’re saying, it’s easier to let it roll in one ear and
Avoid confusion by sticking with one request, consider the
out the other if you’re out of sight.

situation, and TELL your child what you expect following
these steps.

• •
you can’t see your child, chances are you will raise
your voice to be heard. Sensitive kids may perceive
that need to be done, stick with one short request.

this as being “yelled at.” Plus, if this is the standard,
Once your child follows through, you can move to
then your child may have a hard time “hearing”
the next item on the to-do list.

you when you’re not being loud. Starting off eye-
Size up the situation: Adjust your expectations
to-eye will help with volume control, spare your
if you or your child are tired, hungry or stressed.

vocal cords and get your child used to responding
Your child will be harder to motivate and you may
to a normal tone of voice.

not have the stamina to calmly follow through.

Don’t sweat it, just meet your child closer to the
middle and don’t judge yourself.

• Volume control. Pumping up the volume is
probably not a daily goal in most households. If
Avoid confusion by keeping requests simple
and specifi c: Instead of listing three or four things
• Out of sight, out of mind! When your child’s eyes
• Seeing is believing. Possibly the biggest benefi t
of having your child in sight when you present a
request is seeing their reaction. If you’re yelling
Remember, TELL (don’t ask) your child what
from room to room, you can’t read your child’s
you expect: Many times kids need to do stuff
body language or see if they’re following through.

they don’t want to. If you present a question or
When you are face-to-face, you can immediately
option your child will hear it as a choice. You’ll be
gauge your child’s response. This gives you a
frustrated and they’ll be confused. Keep things clear
huge advantage since you can trouble-shoot in the
by saying, “It’s time to take a bath.” instead of, “Do
moment and quickly move things toward follow-
you want to take a bath?”
through. washingtonFAMILY.com
March 2017
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