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Parenting isn’t
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excluded; I believe it’s more of a subconscious thing for people.”
Some SAHDs do manage to form groups with other fathers who are
primary caregivers. Before moving to Pennsylvania, Alexander Mustico,
a father to three who has been a SAHD for eight-and-a-half years, joined
a local dad group in Virginia.

“I immediately found it an extremely useful resource of both veteran
dads who could show me the way, as well as fellow new dads who were
experiencing the same new challenges that I was,” he says.

However, when he moved, Mustico found that the local group of
SAHDs was much less active than his previous one, due to what he, like
Bryson, believes were gendered reasons. “Men in general are not good
at expressing their feelings and because of that, getting them to show up
to a dad group and then keep showing up is impossible. I think it is just
the nature of men and machismo,” he says.

Eventually, Mustico found the support that he wanted again through
attending HomeDadCon, an annual convention hosted by the National
At-Home Dad Network, an organization that provides advocacy and
support for fathers who are primary caregivers. “HomeDadCon brings
SAHDs together from across the country for professional development
and networking,” Mustico says. “It was at that convention that I truly
felt I had ‘met my tribe’ and entered the ‘brotherhood of fatherhood.’”
Despite dealing with stigma and isolation, SAHDs tend to ultimately
find significant value in being highly involved in their children’s lives.

“The research has tended to show a fairly high level of satisfaction
that stay at home fathers have in caring for their children,” Fagan says.

“They don’t particularly perceive themselves as being un-masculine, or
they’ve redefined what it means to be a man and what it means to be
masculine. They see caregiving as something that is acceptable.”
Sebasovich recognizes the challenges of being a SAHD, but treasures
the special moments he is able to have with his kids. Recently, when
Sebasovich was going through a rough patch with his children, he
took a step back and realized that parenting is “kind of like Christmas
lights.” “There will be this unexpected beautiful moment that lasts for just a
second and then a long, green, twisted, not-so-pretty cord that attaches
to the next moment,” he says. “It’s those little moments that make the
long parts so worth it.”
And, he adds, “It’s a very real job.” P