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THE UPS AND DOWNS OF BEING
A STAY-AT-HOME DAD
ane Sebasovich initially decided to stay
home with his two children to save
money on daycare, but quickly grew to
appreciate being a primary caregiver.

“I’m making a lot more value in
return than I would if I was working my tail off to
pay for somebody else to do something that is my
superpower,” he says. “I’m not just watching the
kids, I’m teaching them to play games, I’m working
through their tantrums and I’m working on myself
and how I deal with the stresses of the moment.”
But even though Sebasovich takes pride in caring
for his children, he still gets asked when he plans to
get a “real job.”
The national percentage of dads who stay at
home with their children has nearly doubled over
the past 30 years and an increasing number of them
say it’s because they want to be more involved with
their kids. However, as the total number of SAHDs,
a common acronym, is still relatively low, fathers
who are primary caregivers often feel isolated. While
SAHDs tend to be satisfied with their decision to
be more involved in their children’s lives, there is a
stigma for men who choose to stay home with their
children rather than return to the workforce, as well
as for men who ask for help in dealing with their sense
of loneliness. Even so, they try to overcome these
challenges by connecting with other dads through
organized groups, conferences and social media.

“I’m just trying to be seen,” Sebasovich says,
which he adds is hard to admit as someone who
has significant privilege as a white cisgender man.

“There’s a shame for even having the fear of not
being seen.”
A common challenge for SAHDs is the lack of a
parenting support network.

“Taking care of children can be pretty lonely and
it’s stressful at times,” Jay Fagan, a professor of
social work at Temple University and co-director of
the Fatherhood Research Practice Network, says. “A
lot of women have peers with children who they can
socialize with, and that’s not so easy for men to do.”
What’s worse, SAHDs often feel uncomfortable
The national percentage
of dads who stay at home
with their children has
nearly doubled over
the past 30 years.

looking for support from other fathers. “People
seem to think guys don’t need that type of thing or
that only moms should flock together,” agrees Tito
Bryson, a SAHD. “It comes off as less masculine, but
[socializing with other SAHDs is] great for mental
health and increasing your general happiness.”
Bryson describes the bond he has created while
staying at home with his two daughters as “one
of the most fulfilling things I’ve done in my life,”
but he finds it hard to connect with other parents.

“When I take the girls to the park you primarily see
other women as caregivers,” he says. “It’s not that
the moms do anything in particular to make me feel
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