‘WHAT ABOUT VACATION?’
Summer’s here and much has been
affected: camp, vacations, trips to see
grandparents. It’s tempting to reassure our kids that life
will return to normal soon, says Veronica
Raggi, a child and adolescent psychologist
and owner of Brighter Outlook Cognitive
Behavioral Therapy in Bethesda. But we have
to be honest with children and tell them
there are some answers we don’t have.

This generation of parents has “high
expectations,” says Raggi, a parent
herself, and we often think our vacations
“need roller coasters and water slides.”
Without those choices, “families can
come up with another plan for how they
can enjoy their time together,” she says.

“Ask your children, ‘What else might be
options for us?’”
Day trips, hiking and camping maybe be
reasonable activities, given the restrictions.

And for days that we are stuck at home, it’s
still important to make that time productive.

In her own household, Raggi’s
elementary-school-aged daughter is
keeping up with online music lessons. She
also has ordered her a water color kit so
her daughter can try her hand at painting.

It’s important for both kids and adults
to look for any positives in their situations.

Kids may be missing their friends, but they
may also be glad for more time with their
dog. Or they may be happy that the pace of
life is less frenetic now.

“We’re more resilient when we can look
holistically and see both good and bad,”
Raggi says.

‘I NEED A BREAK!’
American Red Cross volunteer Lynn
Hottle has seen many families in crisis
after disasters. But the 2020 coronavirus
pandemic is “so new, so different and so
prolonged,” she says.

Hottle is the regional lead for disaster
mental health services for the American
Red Cross’ National Capital & Greater
Chesapeake Region. She also regularly
holds workshops for military families, help-
ing them with stress management and
resiliency building.

In ongoing situations like this pandemic,
caregiver fatigue is a very real risk. Parents
16 Washington FAMILY JUNE 2020
can get easily worn out and need to practice
basic stress management.

“It’s that whole thing—you can’t take
care of others until you take care of your-
self,” Hottle says.

Sounds great. But how do parents do this
when there are employment, health and
education stressors?
Start by being mindful of your day. Find
ways to fit in breaks, Hottle says, adding
that they don’t have to be long breaks; 10
minutes are enough. Take a hot shower, if
it fits in with your schedule. Do some deep
breathing. Or crank up the music and have
a 10-minute dance party.

“We’re lacking so much control in this
situation,” she says, but parents can bring
back some of that control by taking care of
themselves. Cut back on Zoom. Many workers have
filled days with back-to-back videoconfer-
encing. That can be wearing, Hottle says.

It’s important to step away from the com-
puter and other technology throughout the
day to adjust both your eyes and outlook.

Another suggestion: Schedule meet-
ings on different days, so tech time is
broken up throughout the week.

Follow a sleep schedule. Go to bed at the
same time on week nights
and get up at
the same
time, too.

Good quality
sleep is import-
ant, Hottle says,
and we should try to
make it a priority when
we can.

It’s a lot, acknowl-
edges Hottle, who is a
grandmother. She sees
how much work her adult
children have to put into
both caregiving and their
jobs right now. Adding self-
care to that might seem like
just another increase to the
workload. But it is a much-
needed step if we are to
weather this disaster.

“We have to be intentional
about taking care of ourselves,”
she says.

‘I NEED A NEW JOB!’
Amidst the health and economic woes of
this pandemic, there were parents contem-
plating a career change. Many had already
lost their jobs, and others were considering
their work-life balance.

“While not to minimize the current
devastation, amid darkness, there are
also opportunities,” says Janet Ladd, a
The good news
is that we have
the skills to
ready our kids
(and ourselves)
for whatever
come next
Kay Connors



professional coach and consultant with
Bounce-Forward Consulting Group. Ladd
is also the senior director of corporate
services and workforce development at
Carroll Community College.

It’s time to take an inventory of our
interests, strengths, experiencers and
areas for development, she says. The
economy has been devastated, but
parents can still make job changes.

“It’s important to recognize the shock
this pandemic has had—and will con-
tinue to have —on the economy,” Ladd
says. “While experts vary in their projec-
tions, it will take time for the economy to
recover. People need to be patient,
flexible and tenacious.”
Expect for career options to shift, she
says. Some jobs will disappear and new
ones emerge. She recommends that
workers keep an eye out for trends in our
region, network and take advantage of
online classes.

Talk with professionals, including
financial planners, small-business
RBOZUK / ISTOCK / GETTY IMAGES PLUS
counselors, college advisors or recruiters.

What if a worker likes his or her job
right now? That’s great, Ladd says. Stay
engaged and look for ways to make your-
self indispensable. Hone in on what’s
important and work with colleagues
toward goals.

Overall, focus on “what you can
influence in the present while keeping an
eye on the future you’d like to invent,”
she says.

‘WHAT CAN I BE
HAPPY ABOUT?’
It’s really easy to get lost in how hard
things are, says Jon Hershfield, the
Sheppard Pratt expert. But focusing on
the difficulties can lead to depression.

Instead find joy in the moments: Listen
to a favorite song. Appreciated the home-
cooked meal a spouse made. Remember
what inspired you to buy that favorite
painting of yours.

Maryland mother Jessica Reighard,
finds comfort in nature. “I wish I could
identify the bird calls and understand
what they are saying,” she says. “There’s a
whole separate world up in the trees.”
Reighard’s friend and neighbor Karen
Levin is cooking for her family. “We’ve
been making homemade sushi, lots of
roasted vegetables, egg stratas, things
that use random ingredients and last for
a while,” she says. “Mainly I love trying to
come up with new ideas using the
limited ingredients on hand. It feels like a
rewarding challenge.”
Activities like these are meaningful,
Hershfield says. “Pay attention to these
moments. They are more important than
we think.”
‘WHAT’S NEXT?’
The good news is that we have the skills
to ready our kids (and ourselves) for
whatever come next, says Kay Connors,
an instructor in the Department of
Psychiatry at University of Maryland
School of Medicine. Connors is also the
executive director of the Taghi Modaressi
Center for Infant Study, Division of Child
and Adolescent Psychiatry.

We have the skills? Yes, we do this
every August, Connors reminds us. Think
about how we help our children tran-
sition from summer to school. We go
shopping for the supplies they’ll need and
review the rules to make sure they under-
stand what’s expected of them. Tap into
those preparedness practices to make
sure everybody feels ready for life in pan-
demic recovery.

“What’s unique is that there is an ele-
ment of fear,” she says. “Fear goes beyond
worry, and it’s reasonable in this situa-
tion. Something did happen.”
Both parents and children can be
afraid. But research shows that a parent’s
response greatly influences a child’s
response, Connors says, which is why
it’s important for parents to reflect on
all they had to learn and do to keep their
families safe.

“Take a moment to recognize how
adaptive we’ve been,” Connors says.

We tend to associate trauma with
mental health problems, and trauma can
definitely exacerbate depression or anx-
iety, she adds. But “we’ve all developed
a whole new set of life skills that will be
available to use at different times.” n
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