FAMILY blog
O ur family has just gone through a big
transition. After 23 years, we’re now retired
military. My husband, and father of our
three kids, is no longer wearing his uniform
and having folks salute and call him “Sir.” While we
don’t plan on saluting him at home to compensate,
we’re very proud of him — then and now.

As we’ve made the switch from military to civilian,
I’ve watched my husband consider his future through
the lens of fatherhood. A lens that is heavier and more
distorted for him than I had previously realized. Every
career decision he’s made this year — from retiring to
choosing his next job – has been about “us.”
Having been married forever and best friends before
that, you’d think I would have understood what being
a dad has meant to my husband. Or, more to the point,
what being a dad has done to him.

As a mom, there’s no getting away from what having
kids has done to me. My life has a definite fault line
between before kids and after. My career changed
dramatically, then went away, my body was not my
own for years and now bears little resemblance to
the pre-2000 version, my brain is littered with all the
kid-generated to-dos, and, speaking of litter…what
happened to my clean house?
My impression of my husband’s life, before and after
kids? He had the same job, continuous possession of all
body parts, and his room of the house is under national
park rules: Feel free to visit; just leave no trace.

While I was in that first baby fog, my husband had time
to ponder this new reality. As a new dad, he was left
with the task of picking up the bits of our previous life
and crafting the basis for our new life as a family.

What I didn’t realize is how parenthood changed his
perspective and priorities almost as much as it did
mine. As we’ve raised our kids, I have envied his
freedom to pursue his career while it was all I could do
to keep the homestead in good, well, stead.

As he’s been so successful in his professional pursuits, I
didn’t appreciate how much he had to work the system
to be sure his career didn’t upset our family apple cart.

He turned down opportunities if it meant moving us.

He took a series of dreaded correspondence courses
in his “spare” time so he wouldn’t have to be gone for
nine months. He’s played the parent card he was dealt
with an amazing poker face.

So this Father’s Day, I’m going to take an extra moment
to look at our precious world though my husband’s
eyes. I realize now more than ever that his journey has
been as much about our kids as mine has. The dad role
he’s sculpted is just so very different (and controlled)
than my frenetic mom role.

So happy Father’s Day to my dear husband and to all
those quietly dedicated dads peering through their own
fatherhood lens. Military or not, we salute you.

This year’s transition made me realize that my
impression of my husband’s “gentle” metamorphosis to
daddy was not exactly spot on.

We were married seven years before we started a family
- a long (fabulous) time of just us. So when the atomic
bomb of baby number one hit, I got sucked into the
experience 100 percent. I used to be “his” – then I was
“theirs.” Our world tipped in a big way.

6 June 2015 washingtonFAMILY.com
Cynda Zurfluh
Special Projects Editor
Washington FAMILY Magazine
czurfluh@thefamilymagazine.com