Ten Tips to Keep
Kids Calm and Cool
ost of us have felt the symptoms of anxiety: persistent
fear or uneasiness, a racing heartbeat, shortness of breath,
nausea or disruption to sleep. It is normal for children, too,
to occasionally experience anxiety. But when they do not outgrow the
normal fears of childhood, such as separation anxiety, or when these
fears disrupt their daily lives, they may have an anxiety disorder.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, as
many as 4.4 million or about 7% of children ages 3-17 have diagnosed
anxiety. Experts suggest that children with special needs are even
more likely than their peers to experience anxiety. For example,
according to one study, nearly 40% of young people with autism
spectrum disorder (ASD) also had an anxiety disorder. Further,
anxiety may manifest differently in children with special needs.

“Anxiety often presents in children as a change to their usual
behavior, behavioral outbursts or meltdowns, changes in daily habits
such as sleep or eating or difficulty with self-regulation,” says Dr.

Elizabeth M. Chawla, co-director of the Integrated Mental Health
Clinic at MedStar Georgetown University Hospital Pediatrics.

“Neurodiverse children can present with any of these symptoms
but might have more nuanced or varied expressions of anxiety. For
example, neurodiverse children experiencing anxiety might have
frequent behavioral outbursts, be less tolerant of changes in routine,
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be less tolerant of stimuli or might become overwhelmed and upset
more easily. For children with differences in communication, it
may be more difficult to express an increase in worries or fears
with caregivers, so it is important for caregivers to be mindful of
these signs.”
According to Rebekah Hagan, LCSW-C, a psychotherapist for
Sheppard Pratt’s nationally recognized Outpatient Mental Health
Center in Maryland, children with special needs may be more prone
to experiencing the symptoms of anxiety or an anxiety disorder.

“Children with special needs may feel like they are different and
have lower self-esteem,” explains Hagan. “They can experience
bullying. They may worry about being able to make friends or be
more likely to be left out of the group. Also, having a disability can
be unpredictable. They may have symptoms that flare up without
warning, which can understandably be stressful. Finally, children
with special needs often have more difficulty understanding their
social environment, which makes it difficult to process what’s going
on around them.”
For families of children with disabilities, watching their child
struggle with these heightened worries can be heartbreaking. To help
them cope, Hagan offers the following 10 tips for children—and their
parents—to remain calm and cool.

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Kids with special needs may struggle with anxiety more
than their peers. These strategies can help them ease
their fears and thrive.




1.1. Offer choices.

Offering options, like choosing between two
different outfits or a few different food choices,
provides kids with some positive opportunities for
control in their day.

2. Teach self-awareness.

Providing age and developmentally appropriate
information about their condition will help them
understand what they’re capable of and ensure
they are not left frustrated with unanswered
questions about themselves.

3. Focus on uniqueness.

Have a positive outlook that focuses on their
uniqueness rather than their disability.

4. Get social.

Seek out peer support networks in your
community for you and your child. In addition to
seeking broader social opportunities, try to help
your child foster a few more intimate friendships
by planning one-on-one playdates.

Most children have a safe person, activity or
space that tends to calm them down. Learn all of
the things that comfort your child and have them
on hand when you notice something may be
triggering the anxiety.

6. Be a bookworm.

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5. Learn what soothes them.

Reading books and social stories that teach
children how to navigate stressful situations can
help them better handle real-world events that
may trigger anxiety. Also, reading about other
children with disabilities can help normalize their
experience while boosting their self-esteem.

who are not able to verbalize their feelings,
hearing you try to describe what they seem to be
expressing can be very helpful.

8. Be consistent.

One of the best ways to help children experience
less anxiety is to incorporate routines into every
element of their day. Predictability helps them feel
more in control and less anxious. When schedule
changes inevitably arise, try to take time to
communicate and help them process these
changes in advance.

9. Seek help.

Please don’t try to manage your child’s anxiety
on your own. Seek help from professionals who
can provide appropriate medication and therapy.

Further, seek help from your village. As much
as you love and appreciate your child, raising
a child with special needs takes tremendous
effort. When you have bad days or seasons, be
vulnerable with your friends and community and
ask for the help you need. It could be as simple
as having a friend sit with your child while you
take a long shower. You could ask your church
or neighbors for help with meals. You could seek
out carpools for school or medical appointments.

Your child benefits as much as you do when you
seek help; you are better able to care for and
appreciate them.

10. Be a calm and cool role model.

While it is certainly easier said than done, as
much as possible, try to model calm. Manage
your own anxiety in healthy ways by practicing
self-care and seeking out support when you can.

Your example can help your child understand
that anxiety is a normal and natural part of life,
and healthy and unhealthy ways of coping with
it exist. Problem solving, seeking help, caring for
yourself, knowing your limits and engaging in
activities that foster your mental wellness are all
healthy ways to help you manage your anxiety. T
7. Validate their feelings.

Help your children understand their feelings by
narrating what’s going on. Giving them the words
or signs to articulate what they’re feeling will
help them feel less frustrated. Even for children
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