that don’t match. And when she gets upset,
she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

I don’t call her my wild girl because she is
unhinged or uncontrollable. I call her wild
because she is fierce and untamed. She plays
by her own rules.

I remember what it was like to be a teen-
age girl, being objectified by men. Having to
work twice as hard to be taken seriously. I
had no desire to figure out how to navigate
the treacherous wilderness that is being a
woman from the other side of the equation.

I had barely survived myself, was barely
surviving. My concept of being a strong
woman was to be nothing like other women.

I was fully ensconced in the misogynistic
notion that the world was designed for white
men, and in order to survive, I had to pene-
trate stealthily. I couldn’t charge through like
a bull, demanding my presence be represented
and respected. I had to chameleon my way in,
putting on a disguise that was more palatable.

Not my girl. Physically and mentally,
my wild girl is a bull, making her presence
known and not being apologetic about it.

Before my daughter was born, I only
focused on the ways in which I assumed she
would be different from me, on the ways
in which we would clash. The inevitability
of her rebellion was a fact, not a question
for me. I alienated a female community. I
saw other women as competition or weak.

I aimed at perfectionism and “doing it all”
because maybe you couldn’t, but I definite-
ly could. I had spent so much time loving-
ly crafting this person who didn’t take any
shit, who had it all together.

What I didn’t expect was to feel a close con-
nection to her, an us-against-them, a powerful
bond that gave me the confidence to change
how I viewed femininity.

I knew having a kid would change my life,
but I didn’t account for how much having a
daughter would change me. She is different
from me, but in a way much different than I
thought. She is different because she teaches
me by example to own my version of being a
woman, not to run away from it.

After exhausting her basketball moves,
she finally comes to sit on my lap. Her baby
sister lies by my side. She insists on turning
the pages of the Daniel Tiger book as I read.

Halfway through, she gets up and walks over
to her ball pit, chooses a yellow ball and hands
it to her sister. The baby is fussy, and she
wants her to have something to play with so
I’m not distracted while reading.

All the books are put away, her blanket
fanned just how she likes atop her crib,
like a tent, her two favorite stuffed ani-
mals tucked safely underneath, waiting
for her head to nestle into them softly. We
do our ritual. First, Daddy’s Handshake:
two high-fives, two fist bumps and two
thumbs-up with thumbs touching. Next,
Mommy’s Bedtime Goodnight: touching
heads on the right side, then on the left,
nose rubs and a kiss.

I tell her I love her, I’ll see her in the morn-
ing and have a good night’s sleep. She might
say she doesn’t want to go to sleep yet, but
within minutes of the door shutting she is
under her “tent” and fast asleep.

For now, my wild girl is tamed. Who knows
what she will want to be when she wakes up? T
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12 Washington FAMILY JULY 2020



YOU CAN STILL SUPPORT
BLACK LIVES MATTER
BY JOY SAHA
WITHOUT ATTENDING A PROTEST
Attending local protests may not be feasible for all families right now, especially in the midst of an ongoing
pandemic. Health and safety risks are still present and so are social-distancing protocols.

Although rallies and marches against racism and police brutality have garnered a substantial amount of media
coverage over the past month, there are still ways for parents and children to get involved in the Black Lives
Matter movement without protesting.

“Activism has more than one lane,” says Karsonya (Kaye) Wise Whitehead, associate professor at Loyola
University Maryland. She’s also the author of “RaceBrave: New and Selected Works,” a book about her experience
raising two black sons in “post-racial America.”
Here, Whitehead shares some easy but meaningful ways that families can take a stand against racism from home.

WashingtonFAMILY.com 13