INCLUSIVE FAMILY
T process stimuli differently, so it can easily
become overwhelming.”
he noise, lights, smells, people and
activity of holiday gatherings can
be overwhelming for neurotypical
children and even many adults. It is little
wonder, then, that children with special needs
may struggle in these environments. If you
are hosting a celebration or are a parent of
a child with special needs, what can you do
to make holiday gatherings less stressful and
more joyful?
PLAN FOR SUCCESS
RESPECT UNIQUENESS
Tom Flis (MS, BCBA, LBA, LCPC),
clinical director of The Center for
Autism at Sheppard Pratt, advises that
every individual responds to stressful
situations in a unique way.

“We have a saying in the autism world
that when you’ve met one person with
autism, you’ve met one person
with autism. Things affect people
differently,” says Flis.

Flis also suggests that the
first step in creating an inclusive
holiday season is communication.

“It’s really important that if
you’re the one hosting the special
event, you should reach out to the family
member with special needs or the caregivers
and find out about them,” says Flis.

YOBRO10/ISTOCK /GETTY IMAGES PLUS
MENU PLANNING
Many individuals with special needs may have
dietary considerations. Again, the first step for
party hosts is communication. Ask the child’s
parents directly about what they like to eat.

Thoughtful menu planning is especially
important to Jennifer Nakhla, a mother of two
school-aged children. Her oldest, Carter, has
autism spectrum disorder and food aversions
that cause him to have a very limited diet.

“We used to get frustrated that he used
to not eat with us at holiday meals. I didn’t
understand why,” recalls Nakhla. “Then I
realized the smells and sights of all of that
food were overwhelming to him. Now, we try
to keep the more delicious-smelling things on
the other side of the table.”
SAFE SPACE
Designate a safe, quiet space where children
can escape when they need a moment
to decompress.

“Designate a safe place where your child
can go to take a break if the party becomes
overstimulating,” advises Flis. “It should be
away from others, perhaps with the comfort
items available to them, like noise-canceling
Making Your
Holiday Gatherings
More Inclusive
BY LAURA FARMER
headphones or a preferred activity.”
Nahkla, too, has found that designating a
safe space for Carter during family gatherings
has been essential.

“Carter can retreat and focus on what he
wants to focus on, and not be overwhelmed by
grandparents asking questions, lights on the
tree, the smell of fireplace or food,” explains
Nakhla. “While you and I may not even
notice these stimuli, kids on the spectrum
Children with special needs tend to do better
when they have a predictable schedule. Parents
can create schedule boards and discuss them
with their children at the beginning of the day.

By talking through what your child will do that
day before you do it, it helps them plan and feel
some ownership for the day’s events.

Holiday gatherings also introduce
new people, new experiences and new
foods, which can be overwhelming.

Parents and family members can
help children with special needs by
familiarizing them with these new
experiences in advance.

“Social stories” are a great tool
to help children process what
will happen at a family gathering.

Nakhla says this tool helped
Carter become familiar with
the faces of people he didn’t
already know.

“When Carter was younger, I
would put a booklet together that
explained Christmas Eve is on this
day, people will come over at this time,
and here are the faces and names of the
people who are coming over,” she says. “The
more information I could share ahead of time
helped Carter feel less overwhelmed during
the family event.”
LEAD WITH LOVE
Making your holidays more inclusive not only
benefits the loved one in your life who has
special needs, but it may also shape the way
you and your guests see the world.

“We all have strengths and weaknesses
and things we’re really good at and things
we’re not,” says Flis. “Planning an event that
accommodates all different people is another
way we can take care of each other.”
Nahkla agrees, “I spend a lot of time
teaching Carter how to communicate with his
neurotypical peers. I sometimes wish others
spent as much time teaching these peers how to
interact with kids on the spectrum. When you
can come to their level instead of making them
come to you, there’s something beautiful that
comes from that. These kids on the spectrum
have reshaped how I see the world. The way
Carter sees the world is so beautiful. He doesn’t
see the ‘yuck’ we see. He doesn’t separate people
like we do. Anyone who knows him is a friend.

That’s a pretty great way to live.” n
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