HEALTHY FAMILY
Why Children Fake Being Sick
and What to Do About It
BY HEATHER M. ROSS
A s parents, you hear a lot of talk
about how to tell if your child is
really faking being sick. But what
we really need to be talking about is why
your child is faking.

Lindsay Cirincione, Psy.D, director of
outpatient operations for the pediatric psy-
chology consult program at the Kennedy
Krieger Institute, gives her best advice for
parents in this situation.

LIGHTFIELDSTUDIOS / ISTOCK / GETTY IMAGES PLUS
How to Tell If Your Child Is
Faking An Illness
“The first step you should take when you
think your child might be faking being sick
is to evaluate the existence of the illness,”
Cirincione says.

It can be hard to tell if your child is really
feeling ill if their complaints are things
you can’t measure, such as a headache or a
stomach ache. Cirincione says that in this
case, parents should look for secondary
symptoms—or the absence of secondary
symptoms. Is the child who is complaining of a
headache still running around, playing
and making lots of noise? Maybe the
headache isn’t quite as severe as it was
made out to be.

“The important thing to remember is to
not get into a power struggle with your child
and argue about whether they are telling the
truth or not,” Cirincione says.

If your child is faking, it’s more important
to understand why they felt like they needed
to fake an illness.

Why Children Fake It
The most common reasons children
fake being sick fall into two categories:
avoidance and attention. They could be
avoiding school because of a bully or
because they have anxiety about an upcom-
ing test or assignment. They might also be
faking an illness because they miss their
parents. If they haven’t seen you in a while,
they might need attention from you—and
that’s normal.

What To Do About It
Teach your child coping strategies such as
talking to a guidance counselor, taking deep
breaths to calm down or counting to 10.

Talk to their teachers about their aca-
demic performance and any overall concerns
relating to the classroom. If it seems like
your child has difficulty staying in class or
keeping up with the classroom’s pace, it
might be time to ask the school about testing
to see if any undiagnosed disabilities could
be a factor.

More importantly, talk to your child to see
if they’re feeling worried or upset. Cirinci-
one says to avoid making a big deal about the
symptoms themselves because that might
encourage the child to use similar tactics to
get attention from adults in the future.

“You help the child develop some
insight into the meaning of their deception
... and the motivations that may have driven
the behavior,” notes Judith A. Libow, PhD,
coordinator of psychological services at
Children’s Hospital in Oakland, California,
in an article on WebMD.

“Tell them, ‘I want to take care of you in
that way, too,’” Cirincione advises.

The most important thing to remember
when talking to your child about how and
why they’re feeling this way is to remain
neutral. Don’t overreact or convey frustra-
tion. Children usually have a good reason for
faking an illness and rarely have nefarious
intent, according to Cirincione.

This year is likely to be the first children
are fully back in the classroom after having
been home for much of the pandemic. That
transition is going to be hard for many chil-
dren who got used to sharing a space with
their families and now have to be away for
long periods of time.

You can ease this transition by setting
aside a “special time.” This means family
time or one-on-one time with your child. For
example, it could be a game night, a movie
night or time at the park together.

“Treat it like an appointment,” Cirin-
cione says.

Take this time seriously, the same as you
would a doctor’s appointment. Talk to your
child about it ahead of time, and give them
something to look forward to. The unpre-
dictability of the last two years has hurt
children’s ability to cope and adjust. A sta-
ble, guaranteed time with you will ease their
anxiety. “Parents need to understand and
remember that mental health is physical
health, too,” Cirincione says.

Anxiety can cause physical symptoms like
a stomach ache. Parents should also keep an
eye on their child’s mental health, or they
could be ignoring the cause of their child’s
symptoms. Don’t feel guilty for not understanding or
knowing right away why your child is faking
an illness. Many children don’t understand
themselves. They might just not know what
to do or how to express their concerns yet.

If you and your partner disagree on how to
handle the situation, try getting more infor-
mation before discussing it further. Talk
to teachers and counselors, and if you still
don’t agree, seek advice from a therapist.

Getting a neutral third party’s perspective
can take away a lot of the difficulty in making
sure everyone feels heard and respected. T
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