WF VOICES
no matter how awesome they seem or how
much I want to help, is a tool it has taken
me years to hone, but one that serves me
well when it comes to my mental health.

By stepping away from volunteer activities
or extra projects, I give myself permission
to prioritize what’s important to me at
this time in my life, knowing I can go back
to them later when I’m ready.

Literally taking care of myself. Making
sure I am drinking water, choosing the stairs,
eating good foods that fuel my body, taking
a shower—no need to wile away in a pile of
bubbles, just being clean is enough. Doing
simple daily activities to give me the energy
and confidence to tackle the day feels like a win.

Hanging out with friends. Those bitches
are my life line! It doesn’t matter if I need
to air out some grievances, bounce ideas off
them or just check in to see what is going on in
their lives, touching base with other women
in my life truly energizes me and gives me the
space to get out of my own head. The women
I surround myself with are smart, driven and
empathetic people. They listen, laugh and
love with the best of them. I know stepping
away for a coffee or a walk with them will give
me a new perspective or just a break from the
monotony of the day. And, honestly, a hot
coffee and really good breakfast sets me up
for a week’s worth of happiness.

Writing. It gives me such joy to share my
perspective and feelings with the world to
help women feel less alone. But even if I am
journaling for no one but myself, getting
my thoughts down on paper helps me work
through situations more effectively than
anything. Alternatively, writing creatively
gives my mind an outlet, a space to go where I
can imagine any scenario and outcome I want.

I can create new characters and timelines. The
freedom to create and see my work on paper is
a gift and a release all at the same time.

Self-care doesn’t have to be a burden or one
more proverbial item on the to-do list. The
expectations for how self-care is supposed to
go can sap the very mental energy it’s expected
to bring. If you can make yourself a fancy
meal for one that you can enjoy after bedtime
instead of eating PB&J crusts and macerated
vegetables, or steal away three minutes before
walking in the door after work to meditate, or
say no to the 10th birthday party this month,
your mind, body and overfilled cup will
thank you. n
50 Washington FAMILY AUGUST 2020
THE EXPECTATIONS
FOR HOW SELF-
CARE IS SUPPOSED
TO GO CAN SAP
THE VERY MENTAL
ENERGY IT’S EXPECTED TO
BRING. VICTOR_TONGDEE / ISTOCK / GETTY IMAGES PLUS



DAD LIFE
Dr. Brian Stipelman
BY WF STAFF
TITLE: Associate
Vice President/Dean of
Liberal Arts at Frederick
Community College
LIVES: Frederick
Wife, Hilary;
daughters, Elayna, 9;
and Mia, 6; and two cats,
Socks and Lula
FAMILY: Do Do
you you
know a local
parent who who
know a local
parent juggles
multiple priorities
while juggles
multiple priorities
while managing to make a positive impact
managing to make a positive impact
in their community? Nominate them
in their community? Nominate them
as a subject of our Mom/Dad Life
as a subject of our Mom/Dad Life
column by emailing us at
column by emailing us at
editor@washingtonfamily.com. editor@washingtonfamily.com.

What are five things you
can’t live without?
My iPhone and nice headphones. I try to walk
5 miles every day, and they stop me from being
bored while I do it. Plus, this way I can fit music
and podcasts onto the list without taking up
more spots. It’s like wishing for more wishes.

Good books. My sleep habits are terrible
and reading before bed (without a screen)
really helps.

My iPad. At the end of the day, I like to be
able to watch movies with headphones on so
the sound can be loud and I can be horizontal.

This is before the reading.

Mountain Dew. I am not much of a coffee
drinker, so this gets me through the day.

I started drinking diet Mountain Dew as
a concession to my health. But diet soda
tastes like sadness, so I’ve gone back to
regular Mountain Dew. But in tiny cans.

This list used to be much longer, but then
I had kids. And it turns out that most things I
thought were essential really weren’t. Ask me
again when my girls turn 18.

up anything too badly that will hurt them in
the long run.

What do you love about
being a dad?
The fact that I have two wonderful, loving,
thoughtful, smart, crazy girls. Really just
having something in your life you can care that
deeply about. And as they get older, watching
them interact with and learn from the world
around them is a joy. I also love that they do
not hesitate to call me out when they don’t like
what I’m doing. Keeps me honest.

What’s something that makes
juggling parenthood and your
career a little bit easier?
Honestly, knowing that other people struggle as
much as I do. Parenting is a challenge. A career is
a challenge. Trying to have both and be halfway
decent at them is even harder, especially if you
also want your partner to be anything more
than a co-parent/roommate (and my wife also
works full time). I think it is helpful for all of us
to be open about how hard this is to manage and
that even the people you think of as the super
parents who really have it down are (probably)
experiencing the same angst and exhaustion
that you are. They just hide it better.

I have been especially lucky in that
Frederick Community College has a number
of family-friendly policies that have made this
all much easier. Given the uncertainty facing
all parents for the foreseeable future, I hope all
employers are able to adopt policies that make
life manageable for working parents. n
What do you find challenging
about raising kids?
Just about everything. Turns out raising kids
is way harder than I expected. Who knew?
Ensuring that they are learning (especially
now), making sure they eat right and stay
healthy are all at the top of the list. Stressing
about whether or not they spend too much
time on screens. Worrying about modeling
bad behavior (like spending too much time on
screens). Basically, making sure I don’t screw
What is something your family
loves to do together?
So much of our weekdays are spent ferrying
kids to activities that our weekends had really
been about decompression. One silver lining
about COVID-19 is that has slowed down the
pace of our life, and we are building more family
activities into our routines. Right now, hikes in
the woods have become a favorite. With a little
luck, my girls will come out of quarantine with
happy memories of the experience.

What’s your favorite chore?
I like doing the dishes. My wife generally
trusts me not to screw it up (as opposed to
say, laundry), and it is satisfying to take on a
project that definitively ends. When I started,
dishes were dirty. When I am done, dishes are
clean. However, my family insists on eating
every day, so these are small victories in a
battle I cannot win.

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