LAST WORD
Dealing with the Chaos
Called School Recess
BY KATHRYN STREETER
A s school commences and kids enjoy
the organized chaos on the playground
at recess, you’re probably not alone in
thinking, “What about my kids playing with kids
who don’t share the values we’re teaching them
at home?” I’ll never forget my firstborn, a kin-
dergartener, asking after school about the word
she’d heard at recess — starting with an “f” and
ending with a “k.” I reminded myself what I bra-
zenly told friends about my parenting approach: I
strive to equip, not shelter my kids. Yet it’s a real
tension, to raise kids in today’s messy world with-
out the added pressure of them engaging on the
playground daily with kids who come from very
different home environments, some which may
hold directly opposing world views.

I approached syndicated columnist Lori
Borgman, national speaker, author of “I Was
A Better Mother Before I Had Kids” and most
importantly, she says, proud grandmother of
11 grandkids, to address this concern.

Why should I put my kids in
a play environment where their
values may be confronted?
Borgman: The ability to smoothly navigate
difficult situations is a sign of maturity. Such
maturity is built on communication skills, con-
fidence, grace and, yes, experience. Our young
people need exposure to the sharp edges of life.

What better time to get exposure to and expe-
rience worldviews different from our own than
under the watchful eyes of caring parents?
GETTY IMAGES/E+/KALI9
But I’d like to protect my child from
negative influences. How can I justify
them playing with kids whose speech
is laced with swear words or who may
blatantly cheat in games?
Borgman: As parents, we often undervalue the
benefits of conflict. Our instinct is to be in protec-
tion mode 24/7, always ready to put on our helmets
and shoulder pads and run defense for our kids. But
the truth is, there is value in the struggle.

Dr. Paul Tough, author of an excellent book
titled “How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity,
and the Hidden Power of Character” unpacks a
growing concern over young people’s inability to
cope with difficulties. Tough writes, “American
children, especially those who grow up in relative
38 WashingtonFAMILY AUGUST 2019
comfort, are, more than ever, shielded from fail-
ure as they grow up. If this new research is right,
their schools, their families and their culture may
all be doing them a disservice by not giving them
more opportunities to struggle.”
Tough contends that what matters most in chil-
dren’s development is not how much information
we can stuff into their brains, but whether we are
able to help them develop a very different set of
qualities, such as persistence, self-control, curiosity
and self-confidence.

How do I use these playground
encounters as teaching moments?
Borgman: Perhaps the greatest benefit of young
people experiencing conflict, adversity and a
clash of worldviews under a parent’s watchful
eye is the discussion that follows. How did you
handle that situation and would you handle it
differently next time?
And you can be sure there will be a next time:
on the ballfield, in the neighborhood, with a new
group of friends or even in your extended family.

Each encounter is an opportunity to discuss when
to say something and when to hold your tongue,
how to offer an opposing opinion, the value of
asking questions over making statements, how
to diffuse another person’s anger and when you
should simply find the nearest exit and run.

Our young people
need exposure to the
sharp edges of life.

Interacting with those with different worl-
dviews and worldviews hostile to our own is
inevitable. Practice may not make for perfect, but
it can make for a well-adjusted young person.

I don’t expect perfect kids, but well-adjusted
sits well with me as it probably does you. That’s
what I’m hoping will come of all this practice my
kids—and likely yours—are going through on
the playground. n
Kathryn Streeter is a Washington, D.C.-based
mom and blogger.




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