THE LAST WORD
What happened
when I quit
helicopter parenting and let
my kids choose
their own path
BY KATHRYN STREETER
I ’m a safety mom. A safety person, in fact. In
life, as on a ski slope, I continually fi nd myself
helplessly speeding downhill trying to keep up
with my tweens, while silently screaming, “Watch
elected to take piano lessons. But after a few
years, she tearfully confessed that she loved
her teacher, not the piano. With our blessing,
she quit and later picked up the guitar
out for the trees!”
for fun. Her story ended up including
Releasing control doesn’t come naturally for most. For me,
forced things, though, she’d possibly have
personally, the learning curve for parenting tweens-to-teens
has been steeper than I’d expected. I want my kids to mature
into independent young adults who can make wise choices
on their own. I know that means I must let go. But in
a foreign language and music. Had we
resented us and done less.

Similarly, our son, with no encouragement, has
invested hours in educating himself about
practice, I’ve found my convictions tested.

For example, schoolwork used to be a big power struggle
around our home. I found myself off ering nonstop directives
and reminders. By sixth grade, I felt that overseeing assignment
deadlines would only enable dependence and laziness. I knew a
hands-off approach was the right one, but it still pained me when
supercars, aff ording him an impressive
knowledge base. He’s motivated from
within, and as his parents, we take
absolutely no credit for it. We can’t know now if this will play
any part in his future, and that’s not the point. The point is that
he chose it for himself.

my kids innocently forgot their homework and received a lower
Giving our kids lots of space to explore electives and hobbies
grade. I realized that coddling would only hurt them, though.

has allowed them to “own" their interests; they haven't been
It’s still hard to stay in the shadows and watch my kids
successfully dodge one bad decision only to perform a dramatic
face-plant when the next major obstacle reveals itself.

But how else will they learn?
Just like with homework, it was also hard to resist
micromanaging after-school activities. I knew an infl uential
coerced into satisfying what we put in motion for them.

And they have fl ourished.

Handing over general decision-making authority to my
blossoming youth has been uncomfortable. But holding on in
an eff ort to keep them on a supposedly safe path would have
only hampered their growth and contentment.

D.C. couple who required their kid to learn a stringed musical
It’s true that I’m still a safety mom. Sometimes I snow-plow. I
instrument and a foreign language. My eyes lit up at the idea;
have been known to hover. But by opening my trembling fi sts
it sounded like an insurance plan to turn out accomplished,
and lett ing my kids fi nd their own path, at their own speed, I’ve
polished children. My husband disagreed, and we ended up
given them the freedom to grow up on their own terms. And
not taking this approach. In the end, our daughter found her
it’s worth it, no matt er how uncomfortable it is for me.

own way.

A natural linguist, she became an advanced French student
completely of her own choosing. When she was little, she
38 August 2018
washingtonFAMILY.com Kathryn Streeter is a D.C.-based mom and blogger.