Psychologist Dr. Madeline Levine has spent more
than 35 years working as a clinician, consultant,
educator and author. Her books such as “The
Price of Privilege” (Harper, 2006), “Teach Your
Children Well” (Harper, 2012) and “Ready or Not:
Preparing Our Kids to Thrive in an Uncertain and
Rapidly Changing World” (Harper, 2020) focus
on topics related to children’s social-emotional
health. Levine is the co-founder of Challenge
Success at Stanford University’s Graduate School
of Education. Challenge Success offers families
and schools practical, research-based tools
parents need to raise children motivated to reach
their full potential.

Learn more about Levine at madelinelevine.com. Find Levine’s books on amazon.com,
barnesandnoble.com and indiebound.com.

In a reverse scenario, how would
you advise parents to help kids who
seemingly put the pressure to succeed
in traditional ways upon themselves?
Fifteen years ago, it was not the kids. It was
all the parents (being hard on their children to
succeed). That has changed during the last five
to seven years.

And I think that’s a much more difficult
challenge than getting parents to “back off”
because kids have come to define themselves
so externally—that was the water they swam
in for many years. You would go into a school,
and what did you see in the front of the school?
You’d see the honor roll, and you’d see athletic
awards, and that told you right away what was
Not’: valued. I think that will only change when
the cultural narrative changes—and that’s
on the adults.

I think it’s parents and educators who need
to start truly valuing … commitment and
perseverance. And so I think (it’s important
that) we can have a bigger tent for kids—that
we value other things, that we sit down and
talk about our values. As a consultant, every
family that I go into, we do “values” first thing.

I think this is a great time for “values”
conversations. If nothing changes, this will
be a tragedy. We want a different kind of
education. We want less anxiety. We want our
kids to develop skills that are more in line with
what’s likely to be valued (in the real world). T
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successful” young people who don’t have
coping skills. Across the country now, there
are emerging adulthood programs to help kids
because parents, (while) well-meaning, have
accommodated anxiety as opposed to having
faith that challenge is what makes kids happy
and confident.

(For example,) your kid comes home one
day, and the dog down the street was barking,
and your daughter is teary and afraid. That
moment is a critical moment, and too many
parents are saying, “Don’t worry about it,
honey. We’ll take the car tomorrow, and
you don’t have to walk past the dog.” That
is the wrong thing to do. It teaches (the
child) “You’re not capable of managing this.

I don’t have any faith in you managing this.

Mom knows best how to handle these things,”
as opposed to what we call scaffolding,
where you allow the child, little by little, to
master challenge.

In my book “Teach Your Children Well,” I
say think of child development as a scaffold.

A scaffold needs a sturdy base to support its
higher rungs. It is important that we respect
this progression as our children climb rung by
rung and not push them to the top prematurely
or without adequate support. Good parenting
skills make this climb safer, more satisfying
and more successful for our kids.

PROVIDED PHOTO
About Dr. Madeline Levine
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