W
HOW TO
HELP YOUR
CHILDREN THRIVE
IN A RAPIDLY
CHANGING, STRESSFUL
WORLD hen psychologist Dr. Madeline
Levine’s latest book “Ready or Not:
Preparing Our Kids to Thrive in
an Uncertain and Rapidly Changing World”
(Harper, 2020) published at the end of
February 2020, unbeknownst to her, the book’s
material was about to get even more relevant.

Levine, a New York Times bestselling
author, has more than 35 years of experience
as a clinician, consultant, educator and writer.

“Ready or Not,” Levine’s third book, offers
parents ways to best prepare children for the
volatile world they will enter as adults.

We spoke with Levine about her book, her
advice and the ways in which our current
educational and parental systems can do
I think that the impetus for writing “Ready
more to help our children thrive in a rapidly or Not” was (that) I had written two previous
changing, stressful environment.

books on the same topic over a period of 15
years, and I traveled this entire country, as did
Editor’s Note: The following interview has been many of my colleagues, with the exact same
condensed for space and edited for clarity. message: Kids need to play. Have rates (of
anxiety) gone down? No!
For “Ready or Not,” I didn’t talk particularly
In “Ready or Not,” you write that
to psychologists or educators. I talked to
you believe parental anxiety and the
business heads (among others)—people who
pressure-filled parenting style that
has come about as a result of upheaval live in uncertainty—thinking that maybe they
had more practice than we did.

politically, socially, etc.—that pushes
Every parent says, “I want my kids to be
children to excel—is epidemic. Why
happy.” But the message in “how’d you do in
do you believe this phenomenon is so
school?” “how are your SATs?” “where are
prominent at the moment?
Madeline Levine (ML): Well, I’m not sure you going to college?” is that this is the most
that I think the same kind of pressure that important thing you can do: be a straight-A
parents had before the pandemic is exactly student, get into a great college, and then from
there, you’ll go to Google or LinkedIn. But what
what it’s like now.

I think, in a nutshell, parents are rightfully was stunning about the research is that I went
anxious about their children’s prospects in a to all those places, and they were unanimous
world that they don’t understand. And now, it’s in saying, “No, that’s not what we’re looking
for anymore.”
a world that nobody understands.

When you were talking to leaders
inside and outside of psychology, what
emerged as the most important skills
for kids to have as they prepare to face
the years ahead?
Perseverance, flexibility, collaboration, curiosity,
creativity and self-regulation. (There is also)
educated risk taking—being open to seeing
things differently. I’m not pushing risk taking like
running out on the street, but that willingness
to try something new, to see something in a
different way, that comes up a lot also.

Where are we failing our kids? What
exactly are we doing that’s causing
our kids to fall short in this rapidly
changing world?
I think it goes back to this notion of success.

(Pre-pandemic,) every time I gave a talk, I
had two slides. (The first was a) straight line—
that’s the trajectory of “you know what you
want to do. You get the grades. You go to a
great school … do that work, and you’re happy
ever after.” And no matter where in the world
I presented that slide, the number of people
who took that direct route is between 1% and
10%. That leaves 90%-99% of people who took
a jagged—or squiggly—path.

As a parent, you’ve got to open up your
notion about what it means to be successful in
the world. My practice is made up of “highly
‘Ready or
BY MEGAN CONWAY
DR. MADELINE LEVINE
14 Washington FAMILY APRIL 2022
PARENTING



Psychologist Dr. Madeline Levine has spent more
than 35 years working as a clinician, consultant,
educator and author. Her books such as “The
Price of Privilege” (Harper, 2006), “Teach Your
Children Well” (Harper, 2012) and “Ready or Not:
Preparing Our Kids to Thrive in an Uncertain and
Rapidly Changing World” (Harper, 2020) focus
on topics related to children’s social-emotional
health. Levine is the co-founder of Challenge
Success at Stanford University’s Graduate School
of Education. Challenge Success offers families
and schools practical, research-based tools
parents need to raise children motivated to reach
their full potential.

Learn more about Levine at madelinelevine.com. Find Levine’s books on amazon.com,
barnesandnoble.com and indiebound.com.

In a reverse scenario, how would
you advise parents to help kids who
seemingly put the pressure to succeed
in traditional ways upon themselves?
Fifteen years ago, it was not the kids. It was
all the parents (being hard on their children to
succeed). That has changed during the last five
to seven years.

And I think that’s a much more difficult
challenge than getting parents to “back off”
because kids have come to define themselves
so externally—that was the water they swam
in for many years. You would go into a school,
and what did you see in the front of the school?
You’d see the honor roll, and you’d see athletic
awards, and that told you right away what was
Not’: valued. I think that will only change when
the cultural narrative changes—and that’s
on the adults.

I think it’s parents and educators who need
to start truly valuing … commitment and
perseverance. And so I think (it’s important
that) we can have a bigger tent for kids—that
we value other things, that we sit down and
talk about our values. As a consultant, every
family that I go into, we do “values” first thing.

I think this is a great time for “values”
conversations. If nothing changes, this will
be a tragedy. We want a different kind of
education. We want less anxiety. We want our
kids to develop skills that are more in line with
what’s likely to be valued (in the real world). T
BOOK COVER
& BOTTOM IMA
GE: HARPER
(PUBLISHING )
successful” young people who don’t have
coping skills. Across the country now, there
are emerging adulthood programs to help kids
because parents, (while) well-meaning, have
accommodated anxiety as opposed to having
faith that challenge is what makes kids happy
and confident.

(For example,) your kid comes home one
day, and the dog down the street was barking,
and your daughter is teary and afraid. That
moment is a critical moment, and too many
parents are saying, “Don’t worry about it,
honey. We’ll take the car tomorrow, and
you don’t have to walk past the dog.” That
is the wrong thing to do. It teaches (the
child) “You’re not capable of managing this.

I don’t have any faith in you managing this.

Mom knows best how to handle these things,”
as opposed to what we call scaffolding,
where you allow the child, little by little, to
master challenge.

In my book “Teach Your Children Well,” I
say think of child development as a scaffold.

A scaffold needs a sturdy base to support its
higher rungs. It is important that we respect
this progression as our children climb rung by
rung and not push them to the top prematurely
or without adequate support. Good parenting
skills make this climb safer, more satisfying
and more successful for our kids.

PROVIDED PHOTO
About Dr. Madeline Levine
IN THE MODERN AGE
WashingtonFAMILY.com 15