26 Washington FAMILY APRIL 2021
How to Handle Common
Youth Sports Scenarios
WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR CHILD…
Before a game “Have fun!” “Work hard!” “I love watching you play!”
After a win “Kids know the point of playing a game is to win, and that’s OK,” says
Marshall. “What’s less OK is when it becomes all about winning versus effort.”
So join in your child’s excitement about the victory, but be sure to include specifics
about the great effort she and the other players put in. “She needs to know that when
she and her teammates work hard, great things can happen,” says Marshall.

After a loss Remember that losing helps children learn and develop. Let your child feel his
feels, then give him a hug or a pat on the back. “Win or lose, show your child that you
respect him, believe in him and care for him,” says Silby.

After she has a bad game or makes an error Do not lie about or minimize what
happened. That could send the message that failure is so bad that we can’t even
acknowledge or talk about it. Instead, remind your child that mistakes are inevitable
and that even pros make them and come back stronger. “Accept what happened and let
your child know you believe in her hunger to do better,” says Silby. “The magic in sport
happens in the overlap between acceptance and challenge/hunger for more.”
After every game First, applaud your child’s effort. “Tell him you expect him to do
his best, not necessarily be the best,” says Marshall. Then, focus on his learning and
improvement. Talk about what he did well, what he thinks went wrong and what he can
do differently next time.

WHAT TO SAY TO THE COACH…
If your child isn’t getting a lot of playing time Speak with the coach privately to get
the reasoning behind the decision. Ask what your child can do to get more playing
time. That changes the discussion from a complaint session to a chance to get useful
information. If your child is older, have her advocate for herself “It goes a long way in her
development to be able to speak up, ask questions about her performance and look for
ways to improve based on knowing her coach’s expectations,” says Marshall.

If you have any other issue Never criticize the coach in front of your child. Reach out to
the coach privately, but know that things likely won’t change. You may just need to ride
out the season.

WHAT TO SAY TO ANOTHER PARENT…
If he or she is being disrespectful during a game It’s best to let the officials and coaches
handle it. The last thing you want to do is create a confrontation that will disrupt the
game or embarrass your child. n
SDI PRODUCTIONS / ISTOCK / GETTY IMAGES PLUS
good sportsmanship,” says Marshall. “If
you loudly express your disagreement, you
undermine the integrity of the game and risk
embarrassing your child.”
Remember, referees and umpires are
humans who make mistakes. If they make a
bad call, don’t take it personally. “They usually
don’t have anything against a player or a
team,” says Porter.

DO keep your cheering in check. It’s
perfectly fine to get excited when your child
makes a good play, but cheering excessively
can embarrass him and annoy the other
parents and players. Plus, he’ll catch on quickly
if you clap like a maniac for every easy play,
and it won’t mean as much to him.

DON’T yell out instructions. Ask any
youth sports coach what parental behavior
they find most annoying and they’ll likely
say sideline coaching. Even if you’re
an expert in the sport or your child is
obviously doing something wrong, shouting
instructions undermines the coach’s
authority. It also puts your child in an
awkward position if what you tell him to do
differs from the coach’s instructions.

“During games, athletes are already
processing information from their coaches,
teammates and their own instincts,” says
Dr. Caroline Silby, a sports psychologist in
Potomac, Maryland. “I have never had an
athlete tell me they needed more information
to process.”
And micromanaging youth athletes robs
them of the opportunity to learn some
very important sports lessons, like making
their own decisions, figuring out what
does and does not work and bouncing back
from mistakes.

“Parents need to let their children fail
on their own and discuss it with them after
the game as a learning tool,” says Edwards.

“Trying to coach from the stands does more
harm than good.”
If you really can’t resist giving instruction
during games, talk to your child’s coach about
helping out as an assistant — or consider
become a coach yourself.

DO praise your child’s performance,
regardless of outcome. We all want our
children to succeed, but what’s most
important is seeing them do their best.

“Children who believe their worth to
Mom or Dad increases with every ribbon
and trophy will most likely buckle under the
weight of unrealistic expectations,” says Silby.

“Communicate to your children that your
love is based on who they are rather than what
they accomplish. The pursuit of excellence is
then transformed from a daunting task to a
realistic goal.” n