Sideline
Sportsmanship Local psychologists share the do’s and
don’ts of being a winning sports parent.

R oy Edwards will never forget one of the
young players he coached on his son’s
basketball team in Burke, Virginia. The
child would resist going onto the court because
of the pressure his parents put on him to play
well. He was in first grade.

Rob Porter, another Burke dad, coached and
refereed youth and college lacrosse for 12 years.

He says he has seen and heard “everything under
the sun” from parents on the sidelines — yelling
and swearing (at coaches, refs, their kids and even
other players), shouting instructions, following
the play up and down the field and more.

“All of it affects the mood of the game, and
almost always in a negative way,” Porter says.

Unfortunately, Edwards’ and Porter’s
experiences are not unusual. Bad behavior
from parents on the sidelines is as common as
missed goals on the soccer field. But while young
athletes can eventually brush off a dropped ball
or a missed shot, pressure and unruliness from
parents can leave lasting negative effects on kids
— both on and off the field.

“Bad behavior by parents during a game can
cause kids distress, embarrassment and the
inability to make their own decisions,” says
sports psychologist Christie Marshall, founder of
Personal Best Sports in Ashburn, Virginia. “That
can get into their heads and make them start to
overthink, leading to more mistakes and less fun.”
It can also make kids lose interest in the sport.

“Researchers asked young athletes why they
play sports, and the overwhelming response
was, ‘Because it’s fun,’” Marshall says. “But a
sobering statistic reveals that by age 13, 70%
of athletes quit playing organized sports. The
most cited response for why they quit? ‘It isn’t
fun anymore.’”
So how can you be your child’s biggest fan
without piling on the pressure? Here are some
do’s and don’ts:
DO cheer for all the players, not just your own.

Use positive encouragement such as, “Great job!”
“Way to go!” and “Nice shot!”
DON’T berate your child — or anyone else’s.

You may think you’re being helpful by shouting
things like “Run faster!” “You need to make that
catch!” and “Get your head in the game!” But all
your child will hear is negativity and disapproval.

DO watch your body language. Your child is
watching you as much as you’re watching her.

So if you’re pacing the sidelines, shaking your
head, waving your arms or laughing when she
fumbles a play, she will notice. And remember,
you are there to offer unconditional support and
encouragement, not to make her feel bad.

DON’T scream at the officials. “Referees and
umpires are authority figures, and our children
should be encouraged to respect them and their
opinions, even if they disagree. It is about having
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