HEALTHY FAMILY
New Motherhood
After 35
Our writer discovers a helpful book
from Maryland authors
Yes, there are risks
with any pregnancy,
and for an older mom-
to-be, those risks can
create even more fear
and uncertainty for
the pregnant woman
and also for those who
surround her.

40 Washington FAMILY APRIL 2020
bout 11 years ago, after having had
two great kids, resulting from
smooth-sailing pregnancies at ages
2 9 and 31, my husband and I realized
we wanted a third child. Pregnancy at age 37
actually came easily again but didn’t stick—
and we struggled through two miscarriages.

I went from having been blissfully
unaware of how common miscarriage is
to thinking about it almost obsessively. I
doubted a third child was really in the cards
for us, convinced another pregnancy would
surely end in more heartbreak. When I
became pregnant again at nearly 39, I had
a hard time wrapping my head around it. I
didn’t announce my pregnancy for fear of
“jinxing” it. I just couldn’t seem to allow
myself to relax and enjoy the pregnancy,
and I regret that now. I kept the frustrations
and worries bottled up, because I didn’t
think anyone would understand.

If only I had known then how many
women share these common struggles,
particularly as we approach motherhood
after 35. I recently read “Beyond the Egg
Timer: A Companion Guide for Having
Babies in Your Mid-Thirties and Older”
by Maryland authors Sharon Praissman
Fisher and Emma Williams. I wish I had
been able to read this book a decade ago.

Williams is a public health researcher and
Fisher is a psychiatric nurse practitioner
and Buddhist lay teacher, and both experi-
enced their own struggles with pregnancy
after age 35.

They decided to write “Beyond the Egg
Timer” to help other women. The book
draws upon a dozen real-life, personal sto-
ries from women in varying situations who
found themselves navigating the challenges
of pregnancy over 35. The narratives are
honest, vulnerable and inspiring. And they
are super easy to connect with—so many
parts of each story rang true as I considered
and compared our experiences.

Camaraderie in a book
Fisher and Williams thoughtfully reflect
on each account from their professional
perspectives, offering advice and evi-
dence-based coping skills that readers
can apply in their own lives. The book is
divided into three sections to reflect recur-
rent reasons why women are having babies
later in life: indecision, infertility and sim-
ply life’s way of not always working on
your intended schedule.

In 1970, the average age of new moms
was 21. Today, it’s nearly 30. According
to the Centers for Disease Control and
Prevention (CDC), in 2018, birthrates for
women ages 15 to 39 were decreasing, but
the number of women ages 40 to 44 giv-
ing birth has been increasing by 3 percent
each year since 1982. There are many ben-
efits of having children later. Older women
may have had more time to build careers,
gain financial security, travel and become
wiser and more confident, allowing them
to feel more grounded, prepared and ready
to tackle parenthood.

That said, parenthood after 35 also comes
with additional challenges. For starters,
the term “advanced maternal age,” and
the much worse “geriatric pregnancy”
or “elderly primgravida,” are pretty darn
off-putting, aren’t they? There are certainly
more precautions that health-care provid-
ers would like patients to take, including
more screenings, more frequent checkups
and perhaps stricter attention paid to stress
factors. Yes, there are risks with any preg-
nancy, and for an older mom-to-be, those
risks can create even more fear and uncer-
tainty for the pregnant woman and also for
those who surround her.

Changing attitudes
There are also societal judgments and
pressures, and there’s simply never a
shortage of people who want to take the
MOFLES / ISTOCK / GETTY IMAGES PLUS
BY COURTNEY MCGEE